tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91624545458500045542024-03-04T20:37:09.435-08:00Making Our Way to ChinaUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-1147077096386534592016-11-22T10:25:00.000-08:002016-11-22T11:01:04.726-08:00My Youngest BabyToday, while on a mommy date with one of my littles at a small coffee shop, we overheard some very sad things. Two young women seemed to believe that no one really wants to adopt children and those who actually do adopt a child do so only because they are infertile or they feel a sense of obligation. They went on to express that the result of the infertile or obligated couple adopting a child is extreme bitterness and misery due to settling for a second best option, and that the couple and child will spend the rest of their lives in regret, looking back and longing for what they can't have (a biological family). They said they've never met anyone who was happy they'd chosen adoption to grow their family.<br />
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Today they met me. If you feel the way they do, you should meet me too, because there are a few things I'd like to share with you.<br />
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I'd love to tell you how my heart ached for my youngest son for so many years, long before I knew exactly who he was. Infertility didn't play a role in our decision to adopt, but if it had, our choice to grow our family through adoption would be no less valid. I want you to know how after we said yes to him, I missed a person I'd never met in ways I didn't know were possible. I want to tell you that the Christmas without him brought a pain to my soul that I'd never felt before. I prayed for his safety as he grew in the orphanage in the same desperate ways I prayed for my biological children's safety as they grew in my tummy.<br />
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I wish I could express to you how it felt the moment I first held him. How my heart was ready to burst- with a fierce mama love that knows no limits and simultaneously, an empathetic grief for all he was losing. How the moment I looked in his eyes for the first time, I knew I'd give my life for his if it ever comes to that. How absolutely amazing he felt in my arms and how our cheeks fit together perfectly every time he snuggled his face into mine. How quickly his precious baby scent and the sound of cries became so familiar that I could recognize them anywhere. How there could be an ocean full of the tears I've cried wishing I could have known him sooner.<br />
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I want you to hear how proud of him I am. I'm proud of how strong his little body is and the way he can climb and jump higher than many kids on the playground. I'm proud of the many ways he shows bravery and courage. I'm proud that when there are dumplings on the table, he can out eat just about anybody in the room. I'm proud of the his finger paintings and his rendition of the ABCs. I was never prouder of him than the first moment he showed empathy for another person. I'm so very proud every time I pick him from preschool and he runs to me, yelling "MAMA"!<br />
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I hurt for him. The first time he had blood drawn, I wanted to grab him and run out of the hospital. I tear up every time he looks so small and vulnerable as he lays on big cold tables for yet another surgery, test, or procedure. Sometimes he grieves, because he's been through so much, and when he does, I grieve too. I wish I could take away the hard things that have left scars for him to carry for the rest of his life. There are moments when his grief is so real and overwhelming that he can't even let me touch him, but when that happens, I stay quietly close by, waiting for him. I do my best to make our home a safe place for him, and I hope he'll always feel loved here. It's the same hope I have for all 3 of my children.<br />
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You should know that love doesn't just magically make a family happen. We work hard to be a family. We pray a lot. We read and ask advice from social workers and other parents who have been there. We cheer at every success and we resolve to try again tomorrow when it's been a bad day. But you might be really surprised to find that in many ways, we're just like any other mommy and son. He grabs food off my plate and I let him have the last bite when he gives me the sad puppy face. He laughs when I blow raspberries on his tummy and I laugh when he tries to blow raspberries back but ends up just slobbering on me. Sometimes he spills his milk, and I get impatient with him, and sometimes I raise my voice, and he gets impatient with me. We read books together, cuddle on the couch to watch cartoons, and tickle each other. We bake cookies, I push him on the swings at the park, and I make him clean up his own toys and make his bed in the morning. I take pictures of him sleeping, and playing, and decorating the Christmas tree, and hunting Easter eggs, and his messy faces, and of him just being him.<br />
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I'm Angi and I have 3 beautiful children. Our family was created through biology, adoption, love, and hard work, and everything in between. And I couldn't adore it more.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-30981390933987963392016-09-08T12:34:00.001-07:002016-09-08T12:34:34.185-07:00Stepping Out of the BoatMy mom has this saying when I'm afraid to do something... "Go ahead and step out of the boat, Ang". It comes from the recording of Peter walking on water and it basically means "Ready or not, it's time to leave your comfort zone now to do what you know you need to do". Stepping out of the boat means my world is about to be upset and it's probably not going to look the same again for a long time, but it will be changed for so much better. I'm about to step out.<br />
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I'm leaving for an 11 day trip to China in just 6 weeks (minus 1 day). This time, I'm not bringing back a precious boy. Instead, I'll be visiting and leaving many behind. And to get there, I have to leave my 2 darling boys, 1 beautiful girl, and handsome hubs here. </div>
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Of course, I can think of lots of reasons not to go. There are always reasons to just stay on the boat. My boys might miss me too much. October is too busy of a month. I might miss out on some fall events. It costs too much money. I'm just a mom and housewife. My Mandarin isn't where I hoped it would be. My heart will get broken. I'll probably be changed and I hate change. It's just too hard.</div>
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I could dwell there, on the reasons to stay home. And sometimes, for a minute, I do. But then I remember. I get to spend 10 days in my son's birth country. I get to learn a little more of his story. I get to give a week to the staff and kids living in the same orphanage my baby lived. I get to share my life and gifts with sweet ayis. I get to tell them (through my actions, because you know... my Mandarin) how much they matter. I get to meet precious waiting children face to face and then I get to advocate for them! I get to see another perspective, and likely never be the same.<br />
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I'm stepping out of the boat. I'm not gonna lie, the water is scary. But it's where I need to be.<br />
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I'm looking forward to the journey ahead and I plan to update here when I'm able.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-50807250086413951022014-12-24T08:25:00.001-08:002014-12-24T08:27:33.313-08:00Christmas Eve
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Five years ago, I waited and waited for the Christmas season. I knew the sooner we got through Christmas meant the sooner I'd be holding my first child in my arms. To our surprise, our daughter came early and that Christmas Eve, we were able to take her to church for the first time. There are no words to express how it felt to breathe in the Christmas story while snuggling my tiny 2 week old Gracie close. For the first time, my mind really processed the thought that God His son to us, as a baby. Christmas Eve has never been the same.
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3 years ago, I sat in a new (to us) church building in Alabama, 38 weeks pregnant and knowing no one there but my own family. My heart overflowed again as my precious baby son kicked and moved in my belly while we sang Silent Night in the candlelight. The anticipation for Liam's arrival was great and once again, I felt the Christmas story in a whole new way. Dear Mary, in a strange place, giving birth to her baby, our Lord.
Today is Christmas Eve. Tonight, we gather with our church family and listen to the most beautiful story in the world. I will have my beautiful Gracie by my side and my handsome Liam in my lap. But one will be missing. Here I am, another Christmas Eve, waiting and anticipating the arrival of our dear second son. This Christmas, we are forced to trust God more than ever. I can't hold him in my arms yet, and wrap in blankets and warm clothes to keep him warm. I can't protect him in my belly. He is here, on this earth, but he is not with us. Tonight, we will sing Silent Night and think about all that Christmas means and I know I will shed some tears thinking about my boy. Because this is hard. Waiting for him is hard and celebrating Christmas without him is hard.
But even though Xavier is not, God is with us. And He is with Xavier. There is no place God can't reach. There is no place God won't go. He came to us. He joins us in the deepest parts of our pain, grief, and emptiness and offers joy, peace, and redemption. That is the beauty of Christmas.
<b><i>And they shall his name Immanuel, which means God with us. Matthew 1:23</i>
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Jaredhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08720717734941285736noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-56120472423256740082014-10-07T12:40:00.002-07:002014-10-07T12:41:33.655-07:00Precious WordsToday, I am recording some excerpts from four e-mails from four different people that I have received about precious Xavier over the past 2 weeks. They have all been music to my heart and balm for my soul as I ache to hold him myself. <br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em>"I heard you are waiting to bring home one of my buddies! …. We're
excited to pray over him again for you!"<o:p></o:p></em></span><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em> </em></span></o:p></div>
<em>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">"I noticed him right away because he reminded me of my two
year old son. He is so cute he melted my heart. I went over and picked him up
and held him. I rocked him in my arms and sang Jesus Loves Me. He fell asleep
and slept in my lap for about 30 minutes. He loves to cuddle and be loved on.
He is a beautiful little boy…"<o:p></o:p></span></em><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">"Ahhhhh!! Yes of course I recognize him. Wow God is amazing.
I was elated when I found out he was matched….I can tell you clearly what I
remember thinking about him, He's perfect…”<o:p></o:p></span></em><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><em> </em></span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">"That is definitely where my hubby is going....and GUESS
WHAT???? He is assigned to that age groups room!!! So he will be able to love
on him for you! I have to say I LOVE how God works- He signed up for this trip
the night before we met you two."</span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Isn't it wonderful that he is so loved?! He may be an "orphan" by definition, but he is so, so loved. So very much. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">*<span style="font-size: x-small;">I have removed a few words here and there that possibly contained a little too much identifying detail than what we're able to share at this point.</span></span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-10437987241711322232014-09-30T14:35:00.000-07:002014-09-30T14:37:59.529-07:00We are Rejoicing!We found him! Our son! Our story to him is long and complicated, but I wanted to share some of it. <br />
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During the month of August, we were feeling so discouraged with our situation and really beginning to feel like a match through our agency was a very long time away. We began to look into the possibility of switching agencies, but as we explored possibilities, it just didn't feel right. That was a hard time. We received many photos and files of darling children during those few weeks and it was very difficult for us. Many of these children seemed like they'd be a wonderful addition to our family, but something was holding us back. We just didn't know what.<br />
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On August 31, we received a text saying an agency had many boys waiting and no families to match them with. We had family visiting and it was a busy day, so I kind of just shrugged it off for a bit. Eventually, I looked up that agency's site. That's when I saw our boy for the first time. There were many beautiful children listed, but he captured me right away. We still weren't sure though. Switching agencies felt like such a big deal. Later that week, I called his agency, just to get some details. They connected me to an awesome case worker right away. She asked if I had looked at their site and if there was a particular child we were interested in. I still didn't feel right about choosing a child, so I said no. I told her we just wanted to know if they felt like they could match us and get some details about switching. She told me she had a boy in mind, but didn't say who. <br />
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The next morning, she called again and asked if she could send a file. She had spoken with their director and they both felt they had a great match for us. It was our boy, the one I had seen earlier in the week who had stolen my heart. <br />
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From there, there are just lots of small details that all just lined up perfectly and confirmed that he is ours. Of course, there were also heart wrenching moments that made us gasp for breath thinking we might lose him. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't getting much sleep during that week. We had 2 weeks to make a decision and we used almost the full amount of time. We wanted him so badly, but we wanted to know for sure he was our son before we said yes.<br />
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We are so happy we were able to say yes! We can't wait for him to join our family! He is almost 2 years old, just 1 year and few weeks younger than Liam. His birthday fits right into our family "birthday season". We can't share many more details publicly at this time, but we are more than happy to share about him in a more personal setting. And though I can't share photos yet, I can assure you... he ties Liam for the cutest boy on the planet. ;)<br />
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We are rejoicing!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-62816447489641993142014-07-22T10:15:00.000-07:002014-07-22T10:15:55.971-07:00Sewing for Him<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjesgmtEqiF5H_SDiRNvpTrzf751oO8U7nQIXzZJxEwGlE8eDh9bbcnoWm7jPb3Ide_SD-4FzXWtcRWOAX5q8M1uzmobokFTjEowetzCZHcj0ZFNMcADn5h4zn5MV7iJxO2tbGh-05wAA8/s1600/taggiechina.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjesgmtEqiF5H_SDiRNvpTrzf751oO8U7nQIXzZJxEwGlE8eDh9bbcnoWm7jPb3Ide_SD-4FzXWtcRWOAX5q8M1uzmobokFTjEowetzCZHcj0ZFNMcADn5h4zn5MV7iJxO2tbGh-05wAA8/s1600/taggiechina.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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We made the official decision to move forward with international adoption in November 2012. I'm just not going to lie here... the wait is getting long. We didn't contract with our agency until early May 2013, so we're still within their expected time line for sure, but it's just starting to feel very intangible. We're finding much too easy to lose focus, to feel like it's never going to happen, to question decisions made, and to just feel discouraged over all. We've been done with paperwork for a while, so during this waiting time, sometimes it feels like we're not doing anything at all. We've been reading and educating, and you can never do enough of that, but even reading is getting old. We are exhausted with answering "Still waiting..." every time we are asked how things are going. Please keep asking though. Knowing people care far outweighs the frustrating answer. Knowing our baby is loved and thought of by our friends and family is the second best thing to knowing who he is. <br />
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Last winter, I took my very novice sewing skills and learned how to make little tag blankies. I started with 4 fabrics and began to sell the blankies to put towards the adoption. It has turned into somewhat of an obsession. I found that choosing fabrics, matching ribbons, and sewing gives me a little bit of creativity that is good for me. More importantly, I'm finding that sewing and selling these little blankies makes me feel like I'm doing something. It makes me feel like I'm preparing for him. I think of him, and of all the children waiting while I cut and sew. I like being able to financially contribute to our little adoption account. It's been good for me.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Proof of my obsession!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Recently, I took it a step further. I made one for him. I know, I know... "He" might be a girl. I definitely don't have a good track record for guessing the gender of our children. But I <em>had</em> to do something. So I just did. Really, there is a really, really good chance our baby is a boy. I spotted this soft, sweet flannel and I just knew it was for him. It's not what I planned. I had planned on waiting until he we know who he is and choosing from several other fabric choices I had in mind. This fabric is not anywhere close to what I was thinking of. But I just couldn't help it. It's all full of love and it's all for him.<br />
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So I wait. And I try to keep focused. Enjoy being a family of 4. Love on the current "baby" of the family (even though he is trying with all his might to be big boy). Make sure our house is ready for another person. Work on getting ourselves as healthy as possible (we're going to have to keep up with 3 kids!!). Pray for our caseworker and for our partnership orphanage. Try not to think about the fact that our baby is another month older and we can't be with him... yet. Hope he's being well cared for and loved. And sew. ;)<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-16258925408073476742014-06-28T20:27:00.000-07:002014-06-28T20:27:43.773-07:00A Shelf of HopeThis week, we went through the agonizing process of declining another referral. I share this news because, although sad, it is part of our adoption story. We were pretty optimistic about this little one, so excited to receive the call, and hoping so very much that he was the one we've been waiting for. His file looks great, so we were shocked when we found out that there was more to the story. It is quite the miracle that we know what we know, so we are grateful for that, but gosh, it's still hard. <br />
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This referral just happened to come right as we are getting some closure to our declined referral from last October. That beautiful little girl is in the arms of her forever family, finally! They are still in China finalizing her adoption, but are coming back the U.S. soon. We are so happy to see her in the arms of her parents. They look perfect together. It has been awesome that we've been able to follow their story all along the way. <br />
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It grieves us that so many children are waiting for families. It hurts our hearts that we cannot welcome them all into our family. But as we grieve, for this little boy we had to say no to, and for all of the precious waiting ones, we remember with hope that soon one less will be waiting and our family will be one person bigger. As much as he is waiting for a family, we are waiting for him. We want him so much.<br />
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In preparation and as a tangible expression of my hope that he will be home with me soon, I cleared a shelf for him today. There's not much on it yet; Gracie has stolen his books, Liam claimed his stuffed panda, and we're hesitant to purchase much without knowing gender and size for sure, but it's all his. And I'm sure it will fill up soon enough. :)<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-23257514777284566292014-06-04T20:33:00.001-07:002014-06-04T20:33:29.965-07:00I Searched the World for You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzDyGXOmnAd3dvRCzQvvpgYCCdb-5NKD1CT-7jr1gGh_KISDL_gCcwNSJt901ggyAQ8B8p9gIwiwRKr-QzSAkBdr-UaD_4hZrROcXCFZlGYWXRYvgXQ4B1K05XfaeLVz8VubpYwxZ5Ba0/s1600/necklace.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzDyGXOmnAd3dvRCzQvvpgYCCdb-5NKD1CT-7jr1gGh_KISDL_gCcwNSJt901ggyAQ8B8p9gIwiwRKr-QzSAkBdr-UaD_4hZrROcXCFZlGYWXRYvgXQ4B1K05XfaeLVz8VubpYwxZ5Ba0/s1600/necklace.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
Well, actually, we're still searching. Or waiting, really, while our case worker searches. Jared surprised me with this special necklace today. He said he was saving it for when we accept a referral, but decided I needed it early. I did. I've touched it many times today thinking of this unknown little one. Praying for some news soon.<br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-16597089995055749532014-03-26T11:46:00.000-07:002014-03-26T11:46:37.429-07:00He is GoodI know it's time to update because the past few times I've texted or called family and friends, I've gotten a "Is there any news?!!!?" response. The answer to that is, yes, there is news, but no, not the kind of news we've been wanting and waiting for. In short, it's looking like our wait is going to be a bit longer than we originally thought. Basically, when we started the process of adopting from China, we assumed that we would be matched from the shared list, because that's how many families were being matched at the time. But during the past year, fewer and fewer minor special needs children are being listed on the shared list, and more of those children are being placed with specific agencies through orphanage partnerships. Our agency is relatively new to orphanage partnership. We only have one partnership and currently, all of the children from that orphanage who are paper ready for adoption have already been matched with families (which is absolutely amazing, by the way). The good news is that they are currently working on paperwork for 45 children! Most of those children will be severe special needs, but we have been told that 10-15 of them will have moderate special needs. We don't know if one of the moderate needs babies is our child, and the paperwork won't be ready for another few months, so it looks like it will be at the very least a few months until we are matched, if not longer. <br />
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Is that news disappointing? Yes. Of course it is. But it's ok. Adoption is full of delays and changing plans. Our plan has changed all along. One thing that prompted us to start earlier than planned was hearing stories of Ethiopia adoption where the wait time increased dramatically for families in process. Our wait time has not increased dramatically. We are excited to know who our baby is. We want him in our arms. We wish it would happen sooner than later. But we will wait for him. He (or she, of course!) is worth the wait. We've heard it said many times and we believe it! We will pursue him no matter how long it takes. <br />
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And in the meantime? While we wait? We remember that God is good. We tell our children "God is good, all the time". Because He is. He has been so good to us. His goodness is seen in our agency's partnership with this orphanage, in the care of waiting children, and in the connection of families. I see His goodness in the joyful dancing of the two miracles our family has already been given. I see His goodness in the sunshine coming in the windows. He is so good to allow us, our little family, to be part of this amazing miracle of life called adoption. He was good when He called us, and He is good in the wait. <br />
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We don't know what the rest of the year holds for us. Maybe we're waiting longer so we have more time to save and have the rest of the money we need. Maybe our baby just isn't ready yet. Maybe my heart needs more time to just be Gracie and Liam's mama. Maybe there's a really good reason we aren't supposed to travel this year at all. I don't know. I don't know why children are born with special needs or why they must wait for a family. But I know that my God is good and He has a plan that is far better than mine. Today, I'll rest in that.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-73198054742347575062014-02-12T12:25:00.002-08:002014-02-12T12:25:52.132-08:00Still Here, Still WaitingI haven't updated much, because there hasn't been much to update. We are in one of our last stages of waiting before being matched. We've been fingerprinted, approved to adopt from China by U.S. Immigration, and had all of our paperwork authenticated, and now it's all on it's way to China! What we are waiting on now is called LID, or a log in date. Our case worker said we could have one in as little as 2 weeks (Eek!!), but I've also heard from families that it took 5 weeks to get one. And of course, we are still in the middle of Chinese New Year celebrations, so I'm prepared for a longer wait. This step is huge because after we have an LID, we are able to be matched with a child from the shared list! <br />
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So, for those not in the adoption world, there are 2 ways we can be matched with a child. The first way is to be matched with a child from the shared list, which is released about once a month to all agencies. After we are LID, our caseworker will look on the shared list for our child. We could be matched the first month or it could take several months. The other way to be matched is with a child from an orphanage our agency has partnered with. Currently, our agency only has one orphanage partnership, but it's still a possibility that our baby is there!<br />
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So, basically, we're back to waiting. Waiting for a log in date, and then waiting for a match. We are so ready. I mean, as ready as we can be, I guess. But ready. Ready for a face. For some details. Ready to fall in love again. I can't wait to see who this very special little one is. But for now, we wait.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-5955755515868349422013-11-09T19:40:00.000-08:002013-11-09T19:43:10.813-08:00The Beginning of the WaitSince we signed our contracts with our adoption agency, I have had a standing appointment with our case worker every other Thursday afternoon for a phone call together. It's just a way for us to connect, ask questions, hear about what's going on, and make sure we're on track. When I had my call this past Thursday, she informed me that we've graduated! We're so done with paperwork (for now) that she no longer feels a need to check in with each other so often. We talked about our timeline, and she thinks (no guarantees of course!) that we could have a referral within about 3-6 months, but to be prepared for anytime. Our dossier is currently in D.C. and once our immigration approval comes back, our case worker expects to be logged in about 5 weeks after that. Again, no guarantees, and we've certainly had delays up to this point, so I'm not holding my breath. We still have not been fingerprinted, and I've been hearing from other adoptive moms that the immigration process took a good 2 months. <br />
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In the meantime, we mostly just wait. We could receive a special focus referral, or we could receive a referral from the orphanage our agency has a partnership with, which isn't very likely at this point. So we wait. And have fun with the little sweeties we have at home. This is my favorite time of year, and the next several weeks are going to be very full, with holiday celebrations, shopping, crafting, baking, a special birthday party, travels... <br />
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I am ready for this next part of our lives, where we hold our sweet Chinese baby in our arms, but I am also thrilled for the months ahead of loving on my two little ones who are getting big way too fast. I think some quality time with them and enjoying our days of being a family of 4 is just what the doctor ordered.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-54981054280090987212013-11-02T20:58:00.000-07:002013-11-03T06:00:10.392-08:00On Special Needs Part 2For the past several months, I've been feeling like an imposter about alot of things. There have been the moments that someone has mentioned how "patient" I am with my kids and I want to laugh out loud. Or how creative I am, or how clean my house is... I'm not even going to get into why that makes me feel like a fraud, but I think you can figure it out. Then I trained all summer and ran a half marathon in September. But I still feel guilty telling people that I run. I always feel like it should come with a disclaimer that I am super slow. Like I need to explain. <br />
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And then there is the adoption. For a while, I refused to even add the "special needs" part when we talked about the adoption. I worried people would get the wrong idea. I didn't feel worthy of the title of special needs mom. The needs we are open to seemed insignificant and not even like special needs anyway. I just didn't want anyone to think I considered myself special just because we are adopting a child with special needs. <br />
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Then, life happened. For the first few weeks, I lived in denial. I assumed God would take it away. Or that there was a mistake. After the second opinion and a few weeks of watching carefully, I woke up and realized it was true. My child, one who lives at home already, was diagnosed with a special need. I realized that adoption isn't going to make me a special needs mama. Because I already am one.<br />
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A friend told me "___ is still the same kid. A diagnosis doesn't change who he/she is". Oh, it's so true. That little darling of mine is still the person God created him/her to be. He knew. That little person is still my baby. I don't love him/her any less. There are unknowns. Our sweetie may deal with extra challenges for a long time, or he/she may overcome them quickly. Meanwhile, our lives are filled with therapy and praying for healing, but preparing for a long road. I just keep remembering this need is <em>one part of him/her. </em>That kid is so amazing in so many ways. Just like those babies waiting for families. I feel so positive that we are on the right path. <br />
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I've heard before that God doesn't call the equipped, but He equips the called. That's what's happening in our home. Before Jared and I knew that we would adopt a child with special needs, God knew that He would make us special needs parents whether we followed the call or not. Suddenly, I am much less afraid of the unknowns in adoption or the "special needs" our children may have, because I know I'm not the one in control of it all. And I know, without a doubt, that love is much more powerful than any need. I know that our family is so capable of love and we are ready to love whichever child is coming to us. <br />
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I don't feel like an imposter anymore. At least not with the adoption. We are adopting a special needs child. Their needs may be great, they may be minor. As we've learned recently, we can do all we can do, but ultimately we don't get to decide these things. I know we'll love him either way. And I know he'll fit right in. This journey has taken us places we didn't expect. Sometimes those places are hard and there will be more hard places ahead. There is going to be so much joy though. I know it. I'm ready. So bring it. <br />
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Just another day closer to you, Baby.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-37395956958147662922013-11-01T10:55:00.000-07:002013-11-01T10:55:13.361-07:00On Special Needs...When we tell people we are doing a special needs adoption, especially family, the reaction usually involves some fear for us. Most friends and family, and even strangers, wonder if we know what we are getting into. Honestly, no, we don't. When we first started talking about adopting, we never considered special needs, and when we think about it now, we don't really know when we decided to pursue a child with special needs. But here we are. <br />
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In China's program, we were able to fill out a checklist of needs that we are open to. Our case worker, who will place our child with us, has that list, and she will use it as a guide for helping us find our baby. As I've posted about before, after we receive a file from her, we are able to share it with our pediatrician and accept or decline. So in some ways, we do have control over the needs our child will have. However, we have been warned to expect greater or lesser needs than what we think we are getting. We know there is no guarantee.<br />
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That checklist is difficult. To complete it, we googled, researched, prayed, considered our lifestyle, and had a long consult with an international pediatrician. Filling it out was a bit of a rollercoaster ride. We started with very, very few needs. But then you start to feel like saying no to certain needs is the same as saying a child with that need is unadoptable. Which is not true. But emotion gets in the way. So our list grew quite a bit. Then we had the consult with the pediatrician, and the list decreased again. Because you have to have compassion, and we want to be open to as much as we can, but we also have to be wise. There are certain needs that are just not compatible with our family right now. For instance, we live in an older home with all bedrooms upstairs. It is likely not possible to add a wheelchair lift. So a child in a wheelchair, or a child with a condition that may lead to mobility issues would not be a wise decision. (And probably wouldn't have been approved during our home study anyway). There are other conditions that are not as easy to make a decision on. <br />
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Let me add that the list is very personal. Please don't feel bad if you've asked about our list. But know that the decisions that led to the list were not made lightly, and that prayer and tears went into that list. We feel pain over some of the needs we had to say "no" to. So be aware that many families do not wish to share their list with everyone. <br />
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We ended up with a list we feel very confident with. It has needs on it that we knew at the beginning would be there, it has needs that we never thought would be there, and it has some "no" checks that we thought would be "yes". It's been amazing how we've been stretched during the process. How our hearts have changed and how excited we are to bring home our child. How things that seemed like a big deal at the beginning feel like of comfortable to us now and how aware we now are that a person's "special needs" are just one aspect of that person and don't define him. <br />
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So, no, in some ways we don't know what we are getting into. But we feel like we have been given discernment and we are as prepared as we can be (for now) for whatever our baby brings. We probably won't be able to handle it alone. But together with God, our family, and our pediatrician, I think we'll all be just fine. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-55320363090982476902013-10-26T08:22:00.001-07:002013-10-26T08:22:16.232-07:00A rare, all technical, no emotion post. :) I just wanted to update a little bit on where we currently are in the process of adopting our little one. It may be a little bit boring, but we've had a lot of questions about where we are recently, so I felt like I should take the time to explain.We started in May with an application to our agency for their China Special Needs Program and we completed all our notarized contracts in June. So mid June is when we officially started gathering documents and paper chasing actually began. Our agency required us to complete all of our education courses and fill out all of the home study paper work before having actual home visits. Home study paperwork is very detailed and was a 2 page checklist of documents needing completed. I can share that with anyone who is interested. <br />
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During the time that we worked on home study paperwork, we also gathered documents for our dossier. The dossier is basically notarized, state certified original copies of documents that verify we are who we say we are. Birth and marriage certificates, psychologist letters, employment/income verifications, medical letters, criminal checks, etc. These documents must be no more than 6 months old when the dossier gets authenticated and translated. The dossier is what goes to China, for us to be approved to adopt a child there. Besides for the documents I listed, the dossier also includes an approved home study and an approved immigration letter. <br />
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In order to get the immigration approval letter, we have to apply for it, and to apply, we must send them an approved copy of our home study. So you can see that the home study is crucial to everything!<br />
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In our specific situation, our home study (for reasons out of our control) is taking an especially long time to get to us. It is approved, but we still have not received our copies. Since we can't apply for immigration without it, there started be a concern that we would not get our immigration approval in time to get the entire dossier translated before some of our documents started to expire. (Since we started in June, and they only last 6 months, they will start expiring mid December). Our entire dossier is complete, besides for the immigration approval. <br />
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So... where we are at... Our case worker had us go ahead and mail in the dossier to be authenticated and translated so that those documents won't expire. We *should* receive our approved home study copies within a few days, and we will immediately file our I800-A (our immigration form). As soon as we receive approval, our agency will add it to our dossier and it will be complete! It will then go to China, and we will receive a log in date. And from that point, we just wait to be matched. <br />
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We are so happy to be mostly done with our paper work stage. Everything on our end is complete, so we just wait and act as needed, but the major parts are done. And just in time for the holidays!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-23987169530714952392013-10-16T14:49:00.000-07:002013-10-16T14:49:45.449-07:00Meant to BeWhen I started this blog, I didn't intend to share much ugly. I've read adoption blogs that focus all on the awesome happy side and I've read some that tend to share a lot of reality, including negative. I'm a pretty honest person, but this is the internet after all, so I decided to keep most of the junky parts to myself. Still, there are some parts that I feel like I should preserve, even though they're difficult. So today's post is going to be difficult.<br />
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Last week, I was shocked when our caseworker asked if we'd like to see the file of a beautiful little girl. Our first reaction, of course, was just surprise at the timing. We were not expecting to see a file for quite a while, since our home study is still (yes, STILL) in the review process. And of course, shock that the file belonged to a girl, as we've been feeling pretty positive we'd be referred a boy. <br />
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After the initial shock wore off and the earliest questions were positively answered, we felt sure that we should move forward to the next step, which is to send the file to our international pediatrician. Yes, this is really soon, but maybe this was our baby! We knew this darling girl would always be in the back of minds if we did not give her a fair chance. We know that God's timing is perfect and if this was His timing, we would go forward. So we basically left it up to the pediatrician's report. We laid out some clear guidelines together. If those were met, we would accept. If not, we would decline. We prayed for a very clear answer and that we know exactly what to do when the time for an answer came. <br />
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That seems pretty cut and dry, right? Easy. Except it's not. Because we're talking about a baby. A human baby. Who has no family. Whose photo I've seen, whose name, weight, length, and feeding schedule I know. We tried not to become attached. But when there's a photo (several actually) of a sweet little girl sitting in your inbox, and you wonder if she's yours, it's hard not to sneak a peek. Or two. Or more... It's hard not to imagine what it would feel like to hold her, to snuggle her close, to watch her grow in my home, to hear her laughter as she joins in our family fun, and to comfort her when she grieves. And, even though you know it's not true and you truly believe with all your heart that her life is governed by One who created us all, you somehow feel as though her future is in your hands. <br />
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No matter how hard you try not to become attached or think of her as your own, the "no" hurts. We got our answer to prayer, we got a very clear answer. As crazy as it seems, we have peace about the "no". Because we feel 100% sure in our hearts that she is not our daughter. But gosh, it's hard. The thought takes my breath away. Sitting here, wondering if she will ever know the love of a family seriously makes it hard for me to breathe. How can I grieve over a baby that was never mine? I don't know, but I know I can, because I am. I struggle to even say her name because it makes me involuntarily tear up. <br />
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My first thought, in an effort to comfort myself, was "It just wasn't meant to be". But I don't think that's quite right. It WAS meant to be. She was not meant to be part of our family, but we were meant to allow her into our hearts. And SHE was meant to be. I pray somewhere out there, God has a family for her. And that she will feel His love and protection. She may not have a family right now, but I know that she has a purpose. She is meant to be. A beautiful little girl, placed on this earth for a reason. Meant to be.<br />
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My sister in law reminded me that the little girl is one step closer to her forever family now. And we praise God for His faithfulness to us as He continues to break our hearts for these little ones and bring us one step closer to our baby.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-85168823858581208322013-10-14T17:42:00.002-07:002013-10-14T17:42:27.552-07:00I'd Rather Be with You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Jared and I have been married for 6 years, as of Saturday. Autumn is a special time for us. We met in the fall of 05, started dating in the fall of 06, and we married in the fall of 07. It's been a good 6 years. There has been a whole lot of life in those 6 years. There has been happy and sad, joy and frustrations, ups and downs, but just mostly good. <br />
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This weekend has not been the greatest. We've had a lot on our minds. We hit a couple rough patches with our two beautiful children. We feel like we need a win in the adoption world. <br />
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So today we put one kid to bed and put one kid in front of the tv, and we made a cake together. It was a brand new thing for us. We don't usually bake together. But we needed a date and it seemed like a nice thing to do. So we went to my favorite cooking blog and looked at pictures of lots of cakes and we just chose something brand new and we did it. A ridiculous thing to do, when the house is a mess, and the lawn needs mowed, and we're watching our diets. But we threw caution to the wind and it happened. A cake from scratch,(including homemade butterscotch and caramel!) start to finish, just the two of us, together. <br />
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Even on a crappy day, I'd rather be with him than anyone else in the world.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-73185269684544286672013-10-10T09:43:00.002-07:002013-10-10T09:43:49.422-07:00Missing AlabamaThis week last year, we were finishing up our 12 months in Alabama, saying goodbye to the people and things we had come to love and preparing to head back to our Ohio lives. So of course, especially this week, I keep thinking of our time spent there.<br />
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I'm just going to be honest here. We went to Alabama kind of as an escape. We needed a change, our family was not in a healthy place, and the opportunity came, so we took it. And for the sake of honesty, Alabama and I did not get off to a great start. Maybe it was the sad, sad phone call I received on the drive down there that caused me to give my growing tummy a squeeze and love my tiny squirmy baby a little more. It could have been the mouse that invaded our apartment during week 4 and had Gracie and I squealing and standing on chairs. Or it could have been the tour of Huntsville Hospital's maternity floor that sent me home in tears, the awful disappointing trip to Nashville for Gracie's 2nd birthday, or the Christmas Eve when I had to beg Jared to tie my shoes for me because I couldn't reach my feet. (Ok, the not being able to reach my feet had nothing to do with the state I lived in, but it was still traumatic) Whatever it was, those first couple months had me questioning our decision to be there. And for a whole year?!<br />
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I don't know when my feelings changed or what exactly changed them. I have a suspicion that Liam's magical birth set the tone for the rest of time. After that, things started looking up. And the funny thing is, the things that bothered me most at the beginning were the things I grew to love... Like the laid back attitudes, the wimpy outdoor mall, and Publix. <br />
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But what I know is that every special memory in Alabama happened because of time spent with our little family or in community. The memories I brought back from there are of Jared and I playing Frisbee together in the evenings and Gracie begging us to push her on the swing. I remember snuggling sweet baby Liam on the bench while watching Gracie ride herself silly on the carousel at Bridge Street. The lunches at the hole in the wall Mexican place after church on Sunday. Sitting in Judy's living room, chatting with friends while our kids literally tore the playroom apart. The brunch where Gracie threw up and before I could even comprehend what was happening, one friend had napkins under her mouth and another grabbed Liam from me to free up my hands. The beautiful starry sky, the family walks, our Wednesday night small group, the morning we had the science center all to ourselves, the new Target, the Chocolate Crocodile, dates at the fancy movie theater, watching Gracie play with her friends, the Y, amazing bbq, the kindness of new friends, I could go on and on. I think we would have stayed forever if the details had worked out. But they didn't.<br />
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I would say that leaving Alabama left a hole in my heart, but that's not really true. Actually, I think my heart is fuller and happier after that year. I still miss our friends there very much. I continue to be amazed by them and their support and general awesomeness, even though I'm horrible at staying in touch. I still miss the simplicity of our life there. Gracie still misses it too. She often brings up her friends, and says that she loves and misses them. Sometimes we drive down a random street, and she gasps and asks if we are in Alabama. I'm glad to know that year blessed her heart too. We learned about adaptability, about expectations, about kindness, graciousness, and hospitality. I am a better person because of Alabama. Our family is healthier because of Alabama. In 2011, when I heard someone mention that southern state, I wrinkled my snobby nose. Now I hear her sweet name and my heart smiles. We've been back for a year now and our family is with a doubt right where we should be. We are home for now. But I am forever grateful for our year in Alabama. <br />
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Missing Alabama this week. <3Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-79961483189511903462013-09-09T12:41:00.000-07:002013-09-09T12:41:12.640-07:00Bonding with my BoyGracie has been visiting with her Mimi and Grampy for a whole week, so during the days it's just been my little boy and me. There's this magical time between about age 18 months to 2 years of age that a baby really turns into a toddler. The books say they're considered a toddler at age 1, but walking or not, they still seem like babies to me. Then amazingly, before you know it, they become official toddlers, running, getting into everything, thinking big things and understanding big things.<br />
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That's where Liam is. Baby turning into little boy. Maybe already turned into little boy, but I'm hanging on to what little baby-ness is left for as long as I can. So I wanted to document the best parts of him, more for my own sake than yours. :)<br />
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Liam, our little Yammy Chops, is growing and exploring. It's happening right before my eyes. I'm so glad I've had the time to experience it with him this week. His little feet have even grown. He got new shoes and he went up 2 sizes! As soon as we tried the shoes on him, he began to run around and he hasn't slowed down since. He runs to see what made that noise, or find a new toy. He runs with a twinkle in his handsome brown eye to make mischief and see if I will chase him. And he runs right into my arms, and showers me with hugs and kisses. I am thankful for his chubby legs that run so vivaciously. <br />
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He loves to laugh and he loves to make us laugh. He is so full of joy that a simple finger pointed at him, a silly face, or quick peek-a-boo will make him explode into giggles. He claps when I sing. He wants to walk everywhere. He cries when we put him in the stroller or car seat. He no longer wants his high chair, instead he sits at the table with me for breakfast and when it's snack time, he drags his own little chair up to the coffee table. Over breakfast, he uses his silverware just like a big boy all by himself and he even tries to feed me. He makes his sweet little noises and we have a little conversation even though he doesn't use many words. <br />
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He brings me books to read, but he can only sit still for a few pages and then he's off and running again- dumping out toy bins, building lego towers and knocking them down. He loves to color, but it can only happen under supervision. If by chance he finds a crayon on his own, he is kind enough to try to wipe the walls down with a towel when he's done. He is just like Gracie and I, and loves nothing more than to go out, whether for a short walk around the block or a shopping adventure. He lets me know when it's time for us to get out by getting his shoes out and sitting on the bench. <br />
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Best of all, he kisses with reckless abandon. He is not ashamed to love his mommy. He will run over to me, mid play, and grab my face, pull it down to his, and kiss me. If I'm extra lucky, he wraps those grubby hands around my neck and gives me a quick hug too. And there's nothing better in the whole world. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-53284337056730353572013-09-04T11:45:00.001-07:002013-09-04T11:45:12.592-07:00UpdateWe are still here. I've been a little quiet because our summer has been crazy busy and also, because there hasn't been much to report.<br />
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We finally checked everything off of our home study document list! So we have our first home visit coming up at the end of the week. We are feverishly cleaning our house. I know we've been told that's not necessary, but I'm weird this way. I feverishly clean when we have any kind of visitor, so knowing that someone is coming in and will specifically looking around, I'm even more obsessed with cleaning and organizing. It's a good time to do it anyway, before we add another member to our family. <br />
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Our dossier (a packet of certified paperwork proving who we are)is about ready also. We are in the process of having each paper county and state certified, and then it will just be waiting for our finished and approved home study to move to the next step, which is immigration.<br />
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Exciting news for me... I had a "first" a few weeks ago. I bought something special for our new little one, technically the first thing I have purchased just for him. Gracie began receiving gifts (from us and others) as soon as we announced the pregnancy. We started buying for Liam after we knew his gender. I have wanted to start a collection of things for this sweet little one, but it's been difficult, since we don't really know size, gender, season, etc. But I finally found the perfect item and I splurged and bought it. It's a clothing item, and purchasing it was emotional. It's very different than buying clothes for an unborn child while pregnant. I bought it knowing we have no idea when our child will arrive in our home, so I was taking a wild guess on the size. I bought it a little on the big size, so it will hopefully fit at some point. It was harder than I expected to not buy newborn size. Grief is not talked about a lot when you hear about adoptions, but it is real. Buying this little jacket brought up some of those emotions. Having the rest of my life with my Gracie and Liam is not long enough, so missing out on the first year or maybe two of this new baby breaks my heart. And buying bigger clothes makes that very real. It reminded me that someone else is (I hope) dressing my baby in newborn clothes every day. Someone else is (I hope) rocking him to sleep and feeding him and looking into those dark little eyes and bonding with him. Even worse is wondering if no one is doing these things. <br />
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Even still, having the jacket in my room makes this so much more real. I'm so glad to have found something. And buying it broke the dam, and now I have a small collection of books and clothes waiting for my baby to come home to me.<br />
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We were warned, but I didn't fully understand how hard waiting would be. I didn't realize that I would start to become so attached to a baby I don't know or have never seen and don't even know if he is born yet. I can't wait to have him home in my arms. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-76131013566071534112013-08-07T08:08:00.000-07:002013-08-07T08:08:42.367-07:00MuchLast weekend, someone completely unexpectedly handed me money for the adoption, and said "It's not much, but..." But it was much. It wouldn't have mattered how much she handed me, it would have been much no matter the amount. You see, we are not asking anyone to just give us money, and we are certainly not expecting anyone to. We are very sure that God will provide the funds needs for this adoption. And we know that He uses people to provide. But we also know that He will use us. We believe that adopting a child is part of His plan for our lives, but we don't expect it to be handed to us. We are willing to work and save and sacrifice when necessary. Please do not feel like we expect money from you. We really don't. <br />
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So when a kind person, out of the blue, hands us money- any amount of money- it is much to us. It reminds us that the money for this adoption is going to be provided. It encourages us. It makes us feel loved and cared for. Most importantly, it makes us feel like our Chinese baby is already loved and cared for, so much so that our friends and loved ones are also sacrificing to help us bring him/her home. <br />
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We still have a long way to go in the adoption process. We are STILL gathering documents and completing homestudy paperwork. It's feeling like it's a never ending process. After that, we have immigration paperwork and the possible very long wait for a referral. After we accept a referral, we wait for travel approval. The process doesn't even end after we travel and finally have our baby in our arms. <br />
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We have felt so loved during the small part of our journey that is behind us. There has been so much support for us; emotional support, prayers, financial support (random, unexpected gifts and also buying my blankies or something from our yard sale), and acts of service. We are very blessed. You may not think you have done much, but you have. To us, it is much. And we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-35219628570113553722013-07-22T12:05:00.003-07:002013-07-22T12:07:02.615-07:00SurvivalOur first fundraising event, a big yard sale, was last weekend. We spent several weeks preparing and last week became solely dedicated to the big sale. The week started out fine and actually somewhat relaxed, but our family was quickly thrown into survival mode. Between running around like crazy people while still trying to be available for our kids, all priorities not having to do with the sale flew out the window. Sleep schedules, exercise, food, tv limitations... It all went. It started innocently. Monday passed with no run, so I thought I'd fit it in Tuesday. But before I knew it, we were already at Thursday and there was no way I had the energy to run. So no running at all last week. And my diet. First there was eating out. Then we didn't have time to cook and we didn't have time to go out, so fast food snuck in. I have been almost fast food free since last August, but I ate it not once, not twice, but three times last week. With fast food comes soda, another thing I gave up last August. Then the early mornings brought sugary coffee drinks. I could go on and confess all my unhealthy sins, but I'll spare you. <br />
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The yard sale went wonderfully, and I intend to post about it another time. But the point of this post is to say that we're getting back on track this week. Surviving is ok when necessary, but I think it's better to actually live. The way I survived- on little amounts of sleep, on junky, poor food choices, with no exercise, allowing my children to watch copious amounts of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Handy Manny- was not fun. I felt guilty and I felt bad. My body feels sluggish and tired. My mommy heart misses my babies.<br />
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This is all a learning process. I'm not going to sit and wallow in guilt over poor eating choices and an extra episode of television. There will be times when we just must to what we need to do to survive. But hopefully this time has given me some insight on how to be a little better prepared for next time. So that next time this house is crazy town, because I know it will be again, I may not be able to fit a run in, but maybe I can plan ahead and have some healthy meals in the freezer, and if I really can't sit down and read to the kids, maybe I can have some activity bags prepared to keep the kids busy without tv. We'll see. But it's nice to be slightly wiser, slightly richer, with a brand new, yard sale free week stretched out ahead of me. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-83159802032208250422013-07-11T10:53:00.000-07:002013-07-11T10:58:45.079-07:00I'm Not CrazySadie (our beautiful dog) is shedding horribly. I don't ever remember a summer where she has shed so badly. I vacuum the house and Sadie daily, yet every morning, there are piles of fur all over her room. We got more paperwork completed for our dossier and it all needs corrected. Every piece of our dossier so far has had to be done at least twice. It's driving me crazy. <br />
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Gracie talks a mile a minute. She hasn't learned not to interrupt, so it doesn't matter if I'm on the phone, or if Jared and I are trying to have a rare conversation, or I'm chatting with a friend. If she has something to say (and she always does), she talks. And she just gets louder and louder if I don't answer. Eventually, she shouts "Do you hear me?" or "You know that, Mommy?". She has tantrums every day. If a small thing does not go her way, it could be a full melt down. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.<br />
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Liam is into everything. He has figured out child locks and can get into all of the cabinets. If a crayon is left out, he finds it and colors on the wall. Or the couch. Or the table. If a crayon is not left out, he opens the cabinet where the crayons are and gets one out. If you put them up high, he drags a chair over and climbs like a monkey and gets one out. He can open the pantry and get out his snacks, he can open the fridge and get out his milk cup to hide for a fun game. He takes the canister off the vacuum, he empties trash cans. He is much more adventurous than Gracie ever was. I never know what he'll get into next. My whole day feels like it's just trying to stay a step ahead of him and keep him safe. It makes me crazy. <br />
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And yet, here I am, pursuing adding a third child to our family. And totally on purpose. It's not even like I can pretend it's an accident or unexpected. When we started telling people we are adopting, I could see it in their faces, though no one says it. "She must be crazy!" I know, because I've thought it too. I've thought it about others who seemed to have their hands so full and then announced a pregnancy. Like when Liam was 6 months old and not sleeping through the night yet and I was trying to potty train Gracie and a friend announced that soon they would soon know what it felt like to have two kids just 2 years apart and for some reason, I couldn't stop laughing. I've thought it about myself when I'm at the park and my eyes are darting every direction just trying to keep an eye on each kid and there's no way I can have any sort of conversation with any other adult for fear my curious wanderer might wander away or my brave climber will climb too high and hurt himself and I wonder if you get a third eye with a third child. <br />
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It's true. I might be crazy. At the very least, I'm probably on my way there. But to remind myself and whoever else is a feeling a little crazy today, here is what I love about being a mommy. <br />
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1. Giggles. There's nothing to compare it to. Try to be grumpy around a giggling baby/toddler. I dare you. :)<br />
2. Snuggles. Falling asleep with a baby on my chest, cuddling up to a toddler or preschooler. <br />
3. Imagination. Gracie daily turns me into a princess, queen, prince, villain, animals, etc. Her magic wand can do anything!<br />
4. Art. Coloring, sidewalk chalk, finger paint.... Yes, please.<br />
5. Innocence. They sing, they dance. They don't care what other people think or if their hair is brushed or their clothes match.<br />
7. Wonder. Watching the fireworks, dancing in the rain, building a snowman, running through the sprinkler, Christmas morning. Do it all again for the first time. <br />
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I'm adding another one because I love being part of all these amazing things they do. Today I love Gracie running down the sidewalk so joyfully, her hair blowing behind her. I love watching Liam trying to do somersaults and how he claps for himself even though all he did was fall over. <br />
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I guess I'm not crazy. I'm just a mom.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-70414878464105087812013-06-28T11:56:00.000-07:002013-06-28T11:56:57.613-07:00Dossier and Homestudy Process- Jumping Through HoopsI haven't been updating much because what we're working on is pretty boring stuff. :) We are currently gathering documents for our dossier, which is a packet of documents about us and our eligibility for a Chinese adoption that have to be notarized, county sealed, and state sealed and sent off to our agency, who then sends them to be translated and sent to China, so we can be approved by the Chinese government to adopt one of their children. It is boring, yes, but also very important. There are too many rules to list here... and I'm not sure we even understand all of them. We just do what we do, get told it is wrong and needs fixed, and fix it. :) Seriously. That's how our dossier is going.<br />
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A very important part of our dossier is our homestudy, which is also a long detailed process. We have not had a home visit yet. First, we must complete even more paperwork, and have a lot of people in lives fill out paperwork also. The good news about this part is that it has been pretty straight forward and we are making progress. We have had our psych evals and should have our letters from the psychiatrist by mid next week. Most of medical letters are now signed, I have to go to one more appointment next week with another doctor to have one more document written up and we are still waiting for Gracie and Liam's medical check lists to be signed. Sadie has her appointment next week also, and the following Monday, the fire inspector is scheduled to come out. Our references have all been identified and forms have been mailed to them, so those should be coming in soon, and our child abuse checks from our many states have also been requested and should start coming in. After all of those things are received, that should finish up the paper work we are relying on others for.<br />
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Jared and I must complete GIGANTIC personal profiles, which are close to 50 pages and include questions about pretty much everything. Those are in progress, but close to being finished. And then we have to complete about 16 hours of online education. This seems like a crazy lot of stuff left to do. But, as I said, it's coming along, and we hope to be done by our fire inspection on July 8! If we can get all of our homestudy 'pre-requisites' turned in after the inspection, then we can schedule our first official home visit!<br />
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So that's it. It's not exactly fun, but it's been pretty straightforward and doable. And we really don't mind it. Yesterday, I grumped a little bit on our way to Cincinnati for our psych evals, and Jared reminded me, "But we're doing this for our baby". Yes, we are doing this for our baby. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for Gracie and Liam. If, while I was pregnant, someone had taken me hostage and told me that to save my baby, I had to order a birth certificate for myself dated within the past 6 months, and forced me to write out and prove my net worth, and asked for a notarized letter from my doctor stating the medication I'm no doesn't prevent me from parenting, I would have gladly done it. So it's the same with the baby growing in our hearts. Just tell me how to find the hoop. I'll jump right through it. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-10557470411607007702013-06-06T07:02:00.000-07:002013-06-06T07:02:00.087-07:00So Exciting and Humbling!Very quick this morning- It seems like the blessings have been pouring in over these past couple weeks (which is coincidentally, the time we got Jared's furlough notice also). I have been posting the little blankets I made for fundraising everywhere I can think of, and I've actually sold some! That alone is very encouraging. But this next part is amazing.<br />
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A couple weeks ago, I posted the blankets on a Craigslist type site, and a kind lady responded and said she did not need a blanket but would like to donate money to our adoption. I was shocked and unsure how to respond. After talking to Jared, I sent her a reply, letting her know how grateful we were for her offer and shared with her a little bit of our adoption story, but for the sake of being honest, we are just spending out of our savings account right now and have no way to make her donation tax deductible or special account to show her that we are legit. I figured that was the end, since she had no way to make sure we are not scamming her. But today, I checked the mail, and was very surprised to find a card and $100 towards our adoption from that person!<br />
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I am so humbled that someone who doesn't even know us would be moved to donate to us, and donate such a large amount. We are very grateful and encouraged. Every dollar of money provided for the adoption, by donation, by saving, by the work we are doing, is a wonderful assurance to us that God is behind this and that He is going to provide a way! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9162454545850004554.post-37267776792760874612013-06-05T11:43:00.002-07:002013-06-05T11:43:46.149-07:00Busy Summer DaysJust a general update. :) Summer hasn't even officially begun, but we are already managing to stay plenty busy over here. <br />
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One of our evening family activities has been training for the upcoming half marathon. We sold our hated sit n stand stroller and purchased a used double jogger. We usually pack a snack to keep the kids busy so Jared and I can run about 3 miles. Liam is content to sit in the stroller and eat or nap, but Gracie likes getting out and running along with me. She is doing great and can run about a half mile before she needs a break. I'm having a hard time believing I'm going to get myself up to 13 miles, but I have 16 weeks to prepare, so hopefully that will do it. :)<br />
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Gracie and Liam can't get enough of the park! They get crazy excited about going and it never gets old. Gracie loves to ride her tricycle in our driveway, splash in her little plastic pool, color on the porch with sidewalk chalk, and practice with her new rollerskates. Liam likes to push his walker around outside, occasionally riding on it, and chasing bubbles in the backyard. Gracie is on a soccer team, and Liam loves to practice too. They also both love their little t-ball set. <br />
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Jared received notice that he'll be taking an unpaid day off each week this summer, courtesy of our great government. He's planning house projects to stay busy. Hopefully by the end of the summer, the old peeling paint on our garage will be gone and a beautiful new coat will on! <br />
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On the adoption front, we are pretty overwhelmed but plugging along. :) We are officially contracted with an agency and are in the midst of gathering paperwork for our dossier and home study. Our first appointment with our social worker for our home study is Friday and we have an appointment tomorrow with our case worker for the China program. Hopefully, after talking to both of them, we will feel less overwhelmed and have a better idea of how to go about getting all of these documents correctly. We're happy to be doing something instead of waiting right now. :)Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0