Number One- Gracie tried (and liked!) peaches from a can this week. She also grilled chicken, even though it had black grill marks on it. And she sucked the applesauce off of a baby carrot. That's right. The baby carrot went in her mouth. It did not stay in, but I'm ok with that for today. Also, there were a few nights with no mealtime tantrums. Even though there was food she does not like on her plate. These are major victories. MAJOR, I tell you. We've been very strict lately about snacks and mealtime, and it seems to be paying off.
Number Two- During a tantrum after being told no for something, Gracie managed to sob out, "I AM UPSET". As in, she used words. And words other than "I am sick" or "My tummy hurts", her favorite phrases for any emotion other than happiness. She used her words to tell us how she felt, Friends!!
Number Three- Gracie has been sharing with her brother. Without a fit. She has shared bites of food with him. She will occasionally give him one of her toys to play with. If there was a survey question I had to answer that asked "If Gracie is across the room and sees Liam playing with one of her favorite toys, how likely is it that Gracie will run across the room, take toy, and push or hit her brother?", I feel like I can almost confidently answer "Somewhat unlikely". That's big. (Nothing said in this paragraph applies to Ya-ya. With Ya-ya, all bets are off).
If you are not a parent, or have never dealt with a 3 year old, you are probably getting your judgement on right now. You are probably thinking to yourself "OH. MY. GOSH. What a little brat!" and also probably thinking "How delusional is this woman that she considers all this a good thing?" That's ok. I was there once too. I'm eating my humble pie now.
If you are a parent, or have had interaction with a 3 year old, you understand. VICTORIES!! They may be small, they may still need work, but VICTORIES! I'll take it. :)
P.S. Sorry for the all the caps. This is exciting stuff. I needed to be expressive.
P.P.S. I love my spirited, expressive girl. So, so much.
Our Family
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Seeing God in Them
Well, do you have a minute for some honesty? Here's the brutal truth. It has been a rough week around here. There was sickness. There was teething. There were tantrums. There were sunburns. There was crabbiness. And I can tell you what there definitely was NOT alot of... Patience. Well, that and sleep. Haha. But no, not alot of patience around here this week.
In my spare time, -which I have a bunch of, you know- I have been busy contacting any person I can think of who is involved with adoption, particularly Chinese adoption, particularly special needs Chinese adoption. I figure, the more connections I have and the bigger support network we have, the better. Anyway, one sweet adoptive mama responded to a previous e-mail from me this afternoon in the midst of some screaming and gnashing of teeth between my two dear children. She was very encouraging, and one little line struck me. She wrote, "I can look at [my daughter's] face and see God in her".
WOW! I spaced out for a minute thinking of that amazing day when I will be able to look at my Chinese child's face and see God. Sometimes I just can't wait to see the face of that beautiful child who God is going to match us with.
The fussing two children in my own living room jerked me back to today's reality. They are here. Now. I don't have to wait for my adopted child to see God. Sure, adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel. But I can see God in the two I have now. They were created in His image. Even in our ugliest weeks, they are His. Jesus cared about the children. He had patience with them. They weren't a bother or an inconvenience to him.
I'm not perfect. There are always going to be bad weeks. I'm pretty darn sure I'm going to be praying to be better at patience for the rest of my life. But what I do to them, I do to Him. Would I treat someone else's children with the same annoyance and frustration I sometimes treat my own with? Would I treat Jesus with that same annoyance and frustration?
One day soon, I'm going to look at my beautiful son or daughter, the child we adopt, and I'm going to think of the story of how he came to our family, and I'll say "Wow. I see God in him". But today, and tomorrow, and the next day, I just hope I keep looking at my precious Gracie and Liam and seeing God there too. Because they are just babies, still learning how to express their own disappointments and frustrations and they are dealing with this crazy lady who is still learning how to be their mama. Here's to a better week and plenty of patience. For me and for my sweet babies.
In my spare time, -which I have a bunch of, you know- I have been busy contacting any person I can think of who is involved with adoption, particularly Chinese adoption, particularly special needs Chinese adoption. I figure, the more connections I have and the bigger support network we have, the better. Anyway, one sweet adoptive mama responded to a previous e-mail from me this afternoon in the midst of some screaming and gnashing of teeth between my two dear children. She was very encouraging, and one little line struck me. She wrote, "I can look at [my daughter's] face and see God in her".
WOW! I spaced out for a minute thinking of that amazing day when I will be able to look at my Chinese child's face and see God. Sometimes I just can't wait to see the face of that beautiful child who God is going to match us with.
The fussing two children in my own living room jerked me back to today's reality. They are here. Now. I don't have to wait for my adopted child to see God. Sure, adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel. But I can see God in the two I have now. They were created in His image. Even in our ugliest weeks, they are His. Jesus cared about the children. He had patience with them. They weren't a bother or an inconvenience to him.
I'm not perfect. There are always going to be bad weeks. I'm pretty darn sure I'm going to be praying to be better at patience for the rest of my life. But what I do to them, I do to Him. Would I treat someone else's children with the same annoyance and frustration I sometimes treat my own with? Would I treat Jesus with that same annoyance and frustration?
One day soon, I'm going to look at my beautiful son or daughter, the child we adopt, and I'm going to think of the story of how he came to our family, and I'll say "Wow. I see God in him". But today, and tomorrow, and the next day, I just hope I keep looking at my precious Gracie and Liam and seeing God there too. Because they are just babies, still learning how to express their own disappointments and frustrations and they are dealing with this crazy lady who is still learning how to be their mama. Here's to a better week and plenty of patience. For me and for my sweet babies.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
What's Going On
Just a newsy update today.
We are SO close to turning in our application to the adoption agency. In order to turn in the application and officially get this ball rolling, we need to 1. Be sure it's the right time to get the ball rolling 2. Settle on an agency 3. Make sure we're financially ready for this. We definitely know the timing is right, and we are pretty sure of our agency at this point. Financially, I think we're ready. I had a little goal of having the $350 application fee in cash before we turned in our application so that we wouldn't be starting by taking money out of savings right away. I've now exceeded what we need so I think it's just about time! We are just waiting for complete peace about our agency, and that could happen any day. When the time is right, we'll know it, and that application will be on it's way!
We are SO close to turning in our application to the adoption agency. In order to turn in the application and officially get this ball rolling, we need to 1. Be sure it's the right time to get the ball rolling 2. Settle on an agency 3. Make sure we're financially ready for this. We definitely know the timing is right, and we are pretty sure of our agency at this point. Financially, I think we're ready. I had a little goal of having the $350 application fee in cash before we turned in our application so that we wouldn't be starting by taking money out of savings right away. I've now exceeded what we need so I think it's just about time! We are just waiting for complete peace about our agency, and that could happen any day. When the time is right, we'll know it, and that application will be on it's way!
Monday, April 29, 2013
My Sisters
I have been working on this post for about a week now. I wanted to write a special post in honor of a special occasion. I've written it, re-written it, deleted it, deleted parts, took a break, thought about it, tried again, thought about it, and eventually deleted it. I just can't get it right. To avoid further drama, I'm just going to keep it simple. Allow me to word-sketch two of the most beautiful women in the world for you today.
Lauren is stunning. She is beautiful inside and out. She has long dark hair and sparkling brown eyes. Those eyes say alot. You can see sadness in them when she knows others are suffering. Other times, they light up with laughter. Lauren loves just about everyone. She is loyal. She will defend you to others even when she thinks you are wrong. She has a hard time saying no. She serves. She works hard. She has probably done as much work in other's homes as she has in her own. If Lauren comes over and the bathroom needs wiped down, she'll do it. She gives second chances. And third and fourth chances. She cares. She strives to do what is right. She is sensitive. She is bubbly. Lauren can make a friend out of anyone. She can connect with a perfect stranger and chat like she's know them for years. She's a listener. Seriously. Better than a therapist. She has fun. She loves.
Rachel is lovely. Her looks reflect her personality. Her red hair is always styled in a fun, eclectic way. She is short, but just the right height for her. It's as if because she is short, all of who she is has to be stuffed into a smaller space and when it comes out, it just bursts out all over. Rachel is good. She's a rule breaker, but she breaks the rules that are silly or that should be broken. She doesn't do anything just because society says she should do it. She follows her heart. She's a thinker. When Rachel talks, she is worth listening to. She loves deeply. She holds others accountable, but she holds herself accountable too. She is real. No hypocrisy in Rachel. Like Lauren, Rachel works hard. She works until she is exhausted and then she works more. She is funny. She is strong. I'm not sure I know of a stronger person. There are times when I think she is surely broken, but somehow she stands again.
These are my sisters. They weren't always how I just described them. I've had the privilege of watching them turn into these ladies. Somewhere along the way, we went from bickering little kids into the best of friends. Few other people can make me laugh like they can In fact, we've laughed together until we've been called idiots. By our own mother, actually. When they hurt, I hurt more than you can imagine. I feel their pain in my soul. When they rejoice, I am truly filled with joy. Their children are like my own. Those they love, I love. Their loss is my loss, and their gain is mine also.
Last week, we all gained. My dear sister Rachel stole the heart of a handsome young man, and he made her his bride. She gained a husband, and Lauren and I gained a new brother in law. It's a sign of how we're all growing older and how the seasons of life change.
To my sisters- May you always know love. May you always know how amazingly beautiful you are. And may there never be a time that we don't laugh until we're called idiots. ;)
Lauren is stunning. She is beautiful inside and out. She has long dark hair and sparkling brown eyes. Those eyes say alot. You can see sadness in them when she knows others are suffering. Other times, they light up with laughter. Lauren loves just about everyone. She is loyal. She will defend you to others even when she thinks you are wrong. She has a hard time saying no. She serves. She works hard. She has probably done as much work in other's homes as she has in her own. If Lauren comes over and the bathroom needs wiped down, she'll do it. She gives second chances. And third and fourth chances. She cares. She strives to do what is right. She is sensitive. She is bubbly. Lauren can make a friend out of anyone. She can connect with a perfect stranger and chat like she's know them for years. She's a listener. Seriously. Better than a therapist. She has fun. She loves.
Rachel is lovely. Her looks reflect her personality. Her red hair is always styled in a fun, eclectic way. She is short, but just the right height for her. It's as if because she is short, all of who she is has to be stuffed into a smaller space and when it comes out, it just bursts out all over. Rachel is good. She's a rule breaker, but she breaks the rules that are silly or that should be broken. She doesn't do anything just because society says she should do it. She follows her heart. She's a thinker. When Rachel talks, she is worth listening to. She loves deeply. She holds others accountable, but she holds herself accountable too. She is real. No hypocrisy in Rachel. Like Lauren, Rachel works hard. She works until she is exhausted and then she works more. She is funny. She is strong. I'm not sure I know of a stronger person. There are times when I think she is surely broken, but somehow she stands again.
These are my sisters. They weren't always how I just described them. I've had the privilege of watching them turn into these ladies. Somewhere along the way, we went from bickering little kids into the best of friends. Few other people can make me laugh like they can In fact, we've laughed together until we've been called idiots. By our own mother, actually. When they hurt, I hurt more than you can imagine. I feel their pain in my soul. When they rejoice, I am truly filled with joy. Their children are like my own. Those they love, I love. Their loss is my loss, and their gain is mine also.
Last week, we all gained. My dear sister Rachel stole the heart of a handsome young man, and he made her his bride. She gained a husband, and Lauren and I gained a new brother in law. It's a sign of how we're all growing older and how the seasons of life change.
To my sisters- May you always know love. May you always know how amazingly beautiful you are. And may there never be a time that we don't laugh until we're called idiots. ;)
Saturday, April 20, 2013
A New Decade
Yesterday, I had a milestone birthday. It was a wonderful day. I was showered with love and warm wishes and even some treats. It was a good day for sure.
I suffered some teasing leading up to this birthday. It doesn't help that my parents are not much older than I am. I know it's not logical thinking, but it seems that every year, I sneak up a little closer to their age. One day I might catch them. ;)
Jared got to experience this milestone birthday last year, and he was not thrilled about it. He did want to celebrate it; he did not want to focus on it; he just wanted to eat his cake and forget about it.
I said all that to say, I am thrilled to start a new decade! I found absolutely nothing sad about my birthday. Sure, there are sad things in my life, and sad things in the world. But none of them really had anything to do with me turning another year older, so there was no reason for me to mourn yesterday. I kept waiting for the sadness and despair to creep in and remind me that I am growing older, but it never came.
Here is why I am not sad. The past 10 years have been amazingly rich for me. I honestly feel like I am living life to the fullest. Yes, there were hard things in the last 10 years. Very hard things. There were tears and loss and pain. But that means that I feel. That I love. That I am alive! And the gain over the last years was so much more than the loss. The joyful times somehow overshadow the painful times. I am so grateful for the years that are behind me. I would not be who I am without them. But I am also looking forward to the years that are still coming. I am excited to see my family grow. To watch my children learn and grow with each year that passes. To grow with my husband, as we continue to strive to be healthier in every aspect of our lives. To grow closer together in love as a family. To grow in our individual walks with God, who loved us enough to send his Son, and now continues to provide for us. And of course, to grow in number when our next little one arrives.
There is so much excitement ahead. The twenties were good to me, no question. But the thirties? They are going to be amazing.
I suffered some teasing leading up to this birthday. It doesn't help that my parents are not much older than I am. I know it's not logical thinking, but it seems that every year, I sneak up a little closer to their age. One day I might catch them. ;)
Jared got to experience this milestone birthday last year, and he was not thrilled about it. He did want to celebrate it; he did not want to focus on it; he just wanted to eat his cake and forget about it.
I said all that to say, I am thrilled to start a new decade! I found absolutely nothing sad about my birthday. Sure, there are sad things in my life, and sad things in the world. But none of them really had anything to do with me turning another year older, so there was no reason for me to mourn yesterday. I kept waiting for the sadness and despair to creep in and remind me that I am growing older, but it never came.
Here is why I am not sad. The past 10 years have been amazingly rich for me. I honestly feel like I am living life to the fullest. Yes, there were hard things in the last 10 years. Very hard things. There were tears and loss and pain. But that means that I feel. That I love. That I am alive! And the gain over the last years was so much more than the loss. The joyful times somehow overshadow the painful times. I am so grateful for the years that are behind me. I would not be who I am without them. But I am also looking forward to the years that are still coming. I am excited to see my family grow. To watch my children learn and grow with each year that passes. To grow with my husband, as we continue to strive to be healthier in every aspect of our lives. To grow closer together in love as a family. To grow in our individual walks with God, who loved us enough to send his Son, and now continues to provide for us. And of course, to grow in number when our next little one arrives.
There is so much excitement ahead. The twenties were good to me, no question. But the thirties? They are going to be amazing.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Love
When I found out I was pregnant with Gracie, I immediately loved her. That may sound crazy, but I did. I couldn't see her, I couldn't feel her, she barely existed. She was a line on a stick. But I loved that line. I would have done anything for the baby that line represented. That love grew...the first ultrasound, the first time I felt her move, when I found out she was a girl, every purchase and gift that began to fill her room...Each of those things deepened my love for her. The moment she was born and I heard her big newborn cry, my heart swelled with a love it had never known before. I honestly believed I could not possibly love a person more than I loved her that day. I was wrong. I fall more in love with Gracie every day. The love I had for her when I first realized she existed was real. It was a love I was capable of. But the love I have for her today is so much deeper. Today I honestly feel that I could not possibly love her any more than I do today. But deep down, I know I'm wrong.
Then there was Liam. I loved him right away too. I loved Liam before he was a line on a stick. The line provided confirmation, but my heart already knew he was there. I loved him immensely. But I worried. My love for Gracie was already deep and established, and it felt different than this new budding love I felt for Liam. I would ask Jared, "Will I ever be able to love this baby as much as I love Gracie?" Silly me. I saw him on an ultrasound; I felt him move; I found out he was a boy; I bought little clothes and blankets to wrap around him; my love intensified. I watched my belly dance and I talked to him. I loved him a little more. The day came that he was born into this world and I heard his tiny newborn cry. I cannot put into words what my mommy heart felt for that naked little baby boy. Now he is a handsome 1 year old boy. Today I honestly feel that I could never possibly love him more than I do today. I know I am wrong.
The love I have for Liam cannot even be compared with the love I have for Gracie. It is so completely different and so completely the same. This heart of mine somehow has enough love for both of them. This heart is practically bursting at the seams with all the love it has for those two little people. This heart could not possibly love another person as much as I love these two babies.
Wrong.
This heart is bursting with love for another baby. A baby I don't even know yet. A baby who will never be a line on a stick to me, a baby whose ultrasound I'll never see, a baby who I'll never feel moving inside of me, and whose first moments I won't ever see, or hear his newborn cry. But little by little, the love I have for this tiny person increases. I truly love this 3rd baby of ours. My arms can't wait to hold him/her. It sounds crazy, to me even, that I am already in love with a baby who is still just a thought. I still have moments when I worry my heart will not have enough love to go around or that because this love is different, it will somehow be inadequate. I love knowing I'm wrong.
Then there was Liam. I loved him right away too. I loved Liam before he was a line on a stick. The line provided confirmation, but my heart already knew he was there. I loved him immensely. But I worried. My love for Gracie was already deep and established, and it felt different than this new budding love I felt for Liam. I would ask Jared, "Will I ever be able to love this baby as much as I love Gracie?" Silly me. I saw him on an ultrasound; I felt him move; I found out he was a boy; I bought little clothes and blankets to wrap around him; my love intensified. I watched my belly dance and I talked to him. I loved him a little more. The day came that he was born into this world and I heard his tiny newborn cry. I cannot put into words what my mommy heart felt for that naked little baby boy. Now he is a handsome 1 year old boy. Today I honestly feel that I could never possibly love him more than I do today. I know I am wrong.
The love I have for Liam cannot even be compared with the love I have for Gracie. It is so completely different and so completely the same. This heart of mine somehow has enough love for both of them. This heart is practically bursting at the seams with all the love it has for those two little people. This heart could not possibly love another person as much as I love these two babies.
Wrong.
This heart is bursting with love for another baby. A baby I don't even know yet. A baby who will never be a line on a stick to me, a baby whose ultrasound I'll never see, a baby who I'll never feel moving inside of me, and whose first moments I won't ever see, or hear his newborn cry. But little by little, the love I have for this tiny person increases. I truly love this 3rd baby of ours. My arms can't wait to hold him/her. It sounds crazy, to me even, that I am already in love with a baby who is still just a thought. I still have moments when I worry my heart will not have enough love to go around or that because this love is different, it will somehow be inadequate. I love knowing I'm wrong.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Preparing our Hearts and Selling our Stuff
I mentioned before that we now feel like the time we spent in Alabama helped prepare us for our adoption.We learned alot about hospitality, opening our hearts to others, and growing with others in community. We were also led to a wonderful church that was full of people who had hearts for orphan care. But one of the most influential preparations that took place during that year was severing our hearts from our "stuff". If you know us personally, you probably know that we have been blessed with a reasonably sized house. When Jared first purchased it and moved in, many people worried about him and his one bedroom apartment's worth of furniture in what we considered this "big" empty house. Nobody had to worry. This old house is full. Full of love, fun, laughter, family, and "stuff". Stuff we need. Or so we thought. :)
See, in Alabama, we lived in a fully furnished apartment. It came with furniture, linens, dishes, etc. So when we moved down, we took some of our own stuff with us, but alot of it sat in this big old house unused for a whole year. And we learned some things. I learned that I don't really need 10 casserole dishes. We don't need 5 couches. We don't need to store boxes of clothes that we may never wear again in the basement for just in case. We don't need a whole separate room for an office. We don't need to keep everything anyone else has ever gifted us. And the list goes on. After living simply (for us) for a year, we were so excited to come home to our stuff. But we were overwhelmed and unhappy when we got back and we couldn't figure out why. Then it hit us. All this stuff is suffocating us.
By now, you're probably wondering how this applies to our adoption. Well, it's perfect that our hearts have been prepared to part with our stuff. Because adoption costs money. A pretty large amount of money, actually. A large enough amount that we don't exactly have it all just sitting around. So Jared and I have been going room by room as we have the opportunity and pulling out our stuff to sell. Some of it has been really easy, like those extra casserole dishes and those clothes we didn't wear for a year and that lamp that doesn't match the kid's room anymore.
Some of it has been very hard, emotionally, to get rid of. I've been going through baby things that we don't use anymore and selling them. It has not been easy. It's silly, but my heart wants to hang on to those sweet little outfits that Gracie wore when she was so tiny. The first bag of her baby clothes that sold maybe brought a tear or two to my eyes. But as much as my heart wants to hang onto those things, my heart also wants to bring our baby home from China. So every dollar I put in that special envelope makes me sing a little.
I honestly do not know if we would have been so open to doing this, if we had not spent that year being separated from our stuff. If we had not learned the lesson that people are so much more important than things. I'm not saying it's easy. But it's easier than it would have been a couple years ago. And it's going to be so worth it. So worth it.
See, in Alabama, we lived in a fully furnished apartment. It came with furniture, linens, dishes, etc. So when we moved down, we took some of our own stuff with us, but alot of it sat in this big old house unused for a whole year. And we learned some things. I learned that I don't really need 10 casserole dishes. We don't need 5 couches. We don't need to store boxes of clothes that we may never wear again in the basement for just in case. We don't need a whole separate room for an office. We don't need to keep everything anyone else has ever gifted us. And the list goes on. After living simply (for us) for a year, we were so excited to come home to our stuff. But we were overwhelmed and unhappy when we got back and we couldn't figure out why. Then it hit us. All this stuff is suffocating us.
By now, you're probably wondering how this applies to our adoption. Well, it's perfect that our hearts have been prepared to part with our stuff. Because adoption costs money. A pretty large amount of money, actually. A large enough amount that we don't exactly have it all just sitting around. So Jared and I have been going room by room as we have the opportunity and pulling out our stuff to sell. Some of it has been really easy, like those extra casserole dishes and those clothes we didn't wear for a year and that lamp that doesn't match the kid's room anymore.
Some of it has been very hard, emotionally, to get rid of. I've been going through baby things that we don't use anymore and selling them. It has not been easy. It's silly, but my heart wants to hang on to those sweet little outfits that Gracie wore when she was so tiny. The first bag of her baby clothes that sold maybe brought a tear or two to my eyes. But as much as my heart wants to hang onto those things, my heart also wants to bring our baby home from China. So every dollar I put in that special envelope makes me sing a little.
I honestly do not know if we would have been so open to doing this, if we had not spent that year being separated from our stuff. If we had not learned the lesson that people are so much more important than things. I'm not saying it's easy. But it's easier than it would have been a couple years ago. And it's going to be so worth it. So worth it.
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