Much

Last weekend, someone completely unexpectedly handed me money for the adoption, and said "It's not much, but..." But it was much. It wouldn't have mattered how much she handed me, it would have been much no matter the amount. You see, we are not asking anyone to just give us money, and we are certainly not expecting anyone to. We are very sure that God will provide the funds needs for this adoption. And we know that He uses people to provide. But we also know that He will use us. We believe that adopting a child is part of His plan for our lives, but we don't expect it to be handed to us. We are willing to work and save and sacrifice when necessary. Please do not feel like we expect money from you. We really don't.

So when a kind person, out of the blue, hands us money- any amount of money- it is much to us. It reminds us that the money for this adoption is going to be provided. It encourages us. It makes us feel loved and cared for. Most importantly, it makes us feel like our Chinese baby is already loved and cared for, so much so that our friends and loved ones are also sacrificing to help us bring him/her home.

We still have a long way to go in the adoption process. We are STILL gathering documents and completing homestudy paperwork. It's feeling like it's a never ending process. After that, we have immigration paperwork and the possible very long wait for a referral. After we accept a referral, we wait for travel approval. The process doesn't even end after we travel and finally have our baby in our arms.

We have felt so loved during the small part of our journey that is behind us. There has been so much support for us; emotional support, prayers, financial support (random, unexpected gifts and also buying my blankies or something from our yard sale), and acts of service. We are very blessed. You may not think you have done much, but you have. To us, it is much. And we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Survival

Our first fundraising event, a big yard sale, was last weekend. We spent several weeks preparing and last week became solely dedicated to the big sale. The week started out fine and actually somewhat relaxed, but our family was quickly thrown into survival mode. Between running around like crazy people while still trying to be available for our kids, all priorities not having to do with the sale flew out the window. Sleep schedules, exercise, food, tv limitations... It all went. It started innocently. Monday passed with no run, so I thought I'd fit it in Tuesday. But before I knew it, we were already at Thursday and there was no way I had the energy to run. So no running at all last week. And my diet. First there was eating out. Then we didn't have time to cook and we didn't have time to go out, so fast food snuck in. I have been almost fast food free since last August, but I ate it not once, not twice, but three times last week. With fast food comes soda, another thing I gave up last August. Then the early mornings brought sugary coffee drinks. I could go on and confess all my unhealthy sins, but I'll spare you.

The yard sale went wonderfully, and I intend to post about it another time. But the point of this post is to say that we're getting back on track this week. Surviving is ok when necessary, but I think it's better to actually live. The way I survived- on little amounts of sleep, on junky, poor food choices, with no exercise, allowing my children to watch copious amounts of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and Handy Manny- was not fun. I felt guilty and I felt bad. My body feels sluggish and tired. My mommy heart misses my babies.

This is all a learning process. I'm not going to sit and wallow in guilt over poor eating choices and an extra episode of television. There will be times when we just must to what we need to do to survive. But hopefully this time has given me some insight on how to be a little better prepared for next time. So that next time this house is crazy town, because I know it will be again, I may not be able to fit a run in, but maybe I can plan ahead and have some healthy meals in the freezer, and if I really can't sit down and read to the kids, maybe I can have some activity bags prepared to keep the kids busy without tv. We'll see. But it's nice to be slightly wiser, slightly richer, with a brand new, yard sale free week stretched out ahead of me. :)

I'm Not Crazy

Sadie (our beautiful dog) is shedding horribly. I don't ever remember a summer where she has shed so badly. I vacuum the house and Sadie daily, yet every morning, there are piles of fur all over her room. We got more paperwork completed for our dossier and it all needs corrected. Every piece of our dossier so far has had to be done at least twice. It's driving me crazy.

Gracie talks a mile a minute. She hasn't learned not to interrupt, so it doesn't matter if I'm on the phone, or if Jared and I are trying to have a rare conversation, or I'm chatting with a friend. If she has something to say (and she always does), she talks. And she just gets louder and louder if I don't answer. Eventually, she shouts "Do you hear me?" or "You know that, Mommy?". She has tantrums every day. If a small thing does not go her way, it could be a full melt down. Sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

Liam is into everything. He has figured out child locks and can get into all of the cabinets. If a crayon is left out, he finds it and colors on the wall. Or the couch. Or the table. If a crayon is not left out, he opens the cabinet where the crayons are and gets one out. If you put them up high, he drags a chair over and climbs like a monkey and gets one out. He can open the pantry and get out his snacks, he can open the fridge and get out his milk cup to hide for a fun game. He takes the canister off the vacuum, he empties trash cans. He is much more adventurous than Gracie ever was. I never know what he'll get into next. My whole day feels like it's just trying to stay a step ahead of him and keep him safe. It makes me crazy.

And yet, here I am, pursuing adding a third child to our family. And totally on purpose. It's not even like I can pretend it's an accident or unexpected. When we started telling people we are adopting, I could see it in their faces, though no one says it. "She must be crazy!" I know, because I've thought it too. I've thought it about others who seemed to have their hands so full and then announced a pregnancy. Like when Liam was 6 months old and not sleeping through the night yet and I was trying to potty train Gracie and a friend announced that soon they would soon know what it felt like to have two kids just 2 years apart and for some reason, I couldn't stop laughing. I've thought it about myself when I'm at the park and my eyes are darting every direction just trying to keep an eye on each kid and there's no way I can have any sort of conversation with any other adult for fear my curious wanderer might wander away or my brave climber will climb too high and hurt himself and I wonder if you get a third eye with a third child.

It's true. I might be crazy. At the very least, I'm probably on my way there. But to remind myself and whoever else is a feeling a little crazy today, here is what I love about being a mommy.

1. Giggles. There's nothing to compare it to. Try to be grumpy around a giggling baby/toddler. I dare you. :)
2. Snuggles. Falling asleep with a baby on my chest, cuddling up to a toddler or preschooler.
3. Imagination. Gracie daily turns me into a princess, queen, prince, villain, animals, etc. Her magic wand can do anything!
4. Art. Coloring, sidewalk chalk, finger paint.... Yes, please.
5. Innocence. They sing, they dance. They don't care what other people think or if their hair is brushed or their clothes match.
7. Wonder. Watching the fireworks, dancing in the rain, building a snowman, running through the sprinkler, Christmas morning. Do it all again for the first time.

I'm adding another one because I love being part of all these amazing things they do. Today I love Gracie running down the sidewalk so joyfully, her hair blowing behind her. I love watching Liam trying to do somersaults and how he claps for himself even though all he did was fall over.

I guess I'm not crazy. I'm just a mom.

Dossier and Homestudy Process- Jumping Through Hoops

I haven't been updating much because what we're working on is pretty boring stuff. :) We are currently gathering documents for our dossier, which is a packet of documents about us and our eligibility for a Chinese adoption that have to be notarized, county sealed, and state sealed and sent off to our agency, who then sends them to be translated and sent to China, so we can be approved by the Chinese government to adopt one of their children. It is boring, yes, but also very important. There are too many rules to list here... and I'm not sure we even understand all of them. We just do what we do, get told it is wrong and needs fixed, and fix it. :) Seriously. That's how our dossier is going.

A very important part of our dossier is our homestudy, which is also a long detailed process. We have not had a home visit yet. First, we must complete even more paperwork, and have a lot of people in lives fill out paperwork also. The good news about this part is that it has been pretty straight forward and we are making progress. We have had our psych evals and should have our letters from the psychiatrist by mid next week. Most of medical letters are now signed, I have to go to one more appointment next week with another doctor to have one more document written up and we are still waiting for Gracie and Liam's medical check lists to be signed. Sadie has her appointment next week also, and the following Monday, the fire inspector is scheduled to come out. Our references have all been identified and forms have been mailed to them, so those should be coming in soon, and our child abuse checks from our many states have also been requested and should start coming in. After all of those things are received, that should finish up the paper work we are relying on others for.

Jared and I must complete GIGANTIC personal profiles, which are close to 50 pages and include questions about pretty much everything. Those are in progress, but close to being finished. And then we have to complete about 16 hours of online education. This seems like a crazy lot of stuff left to do. But, as I said, it's coming along, and we hope to be done by our fire inspection on July 8! If we can get all of our homestudy 'pre-requisites' turned in after the inspection, then we can schedule our first official home visit!

So that's it. It's not exactly fun, but it's been pretty straightforward and doable. And we really don't mind it. Yesterday, I grumped a little bit on our way to Cincinnati for our psych evals, and Jared reminded me, "But we're doing this for our baby". Yes, we are doing this for our baby. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for Gracie and Liam. If, while I was pregnant, someone had taken me hostage and told me that to save my baby, I had to order a birth certificate for myself dated within the past 6 months, and forced me to write out and prove my net worth, and asked for a notarized letter from my doctor stating the medication I'm no doesn't prevent me from parenting, I would have gladly done it. So it's the same with the baby growing in our hearts. Just tell me how to find the hoop. I'll jump right through it.

So Exciting and Humbling!

Very quick this morning- It seems like the blessings have been pouring in over these past couple weeks (which is coincidentally, the time we got Jared's furlough notice also). I have been posting the little blankets I made for fundraising everywhere I can think of, and I've actually sold some! That alone is very encouraging. But this next part is amazing.

A couple weeks ago, I posted the blankets on a Craigslist type site, and a kind lady responded and said she did not need a blanket but would like to donate money to our adoption. I was shocked and unsure how to respond. After talking to Jared, I sent her a reply, letting her know how grateful we were for her offer and shared with her a little bit of our adoption story, but for the sake of being honest, we are just spending out of our savings account right now and have no way to make her donation tax deductible or special account to show her that we are legit. I figured that was the end, since she had no way to make sure we are not scamming her. But today, I checked the mail, and was very surprised to find a card and $100 towards our adoption from that person!

I am so humbled that someone who doesn't even know us would be moved to donate to us, and donate such a large amount. We are very grateful and encouraged. Every dollar of money provided for the adoption, by donation, by saving, by the work we are doing, is a wonderful assurance to us that God is behind this and that He is going to provide a way!

Busy Summer Days

Just a general update. :) Summer hasn't even officially begun, but we are already managing to stay plenty busy over here.

One of our evening family activities has been training for the upcoming half marathon. We sold our hated sit n stand stroller and purchased a used double jogger. We usually pack a snack to keep the kids busy so Jared and I can run about 3 miles. Liam is content to sit in the stroller and eat or nap, but Gracie likes getting out and running along with me. She is doing great and can run about a half mile before she needs a break. I'm having a hard time believing I'm going to get myself up to 13 miles, but I have 16 weeks to prepare, so hopefully that will do it. :)

Gracie and Liam can't get enough of the park! They get crazy excited about going and it never gets old. Gracie loves to ride her tricycle in our driveway, splash in her little plastic pool, color on the porch with sidewalk chalk, and practice with her new rollerskates. Liam likes to push his walker around outside, occasionally riding on it, and chasing bubbles in the backyard. Gracie is on a soccer team, and Liam loves to practice too. They also both love their little t-ball set.

Jared received notice that he'll be taking an unpaid day off each week this summer, courtesy of our great government. He's planning house projects to stay busy. Hopefully by the end of the summer, the old peeling paint on our garage will be gone and a beautiful new coat will on!

On the adoption front, we are pretty overwhelmed but plugging along. :) We are officially contracted with an agency and are in the midst of gathering paperwork for our dossier and home study. Our first appointment with our social worker for our home study is Friday and we have an appointment tomorrow with our case worker for the China program. Hopefully, after talking to both of them, we will feel less overwhelmed and have a better idea of how to go about getting all of these documents correctly. We're happy to be doing something instead of waiting right now. :)

Whoa...Take a Deep Breath...

These past couple months and especially the past few weeks have been a little bit on the busy side for us in our daily lives. We have had little trips here and there, soccer games, gymnastics, church activities, etc. We also turned finally decided on an agency and turned in our application to them a couple weeks ago. We both completely felt a green light to do that, so we planned an evening to take care of it after the kids were in bed. We also had an orientation meeting with the agency last week. Our next step is to sign and notarize all of our contracts and mail them in. Shortly after that, we will start our homestudy process!

So you can imagine that all of this together has made me a little bit jumpy. When I started this blog, I kind of intended to avoid sharing about most of the financial parts of the adoption. Jared and I are prepared to do what we need to do to make bring our child home, and I really don't want to the money part to be the main focus. However, the fact is that adoption costs money. Since this blog is to chronicle our adoption journey, I don't really see how I can completely leave the financial part out. So I'm going to try to share what's been going on in my mind without over sharing. :)

I basically am a nervous spender. I am very good at making lots of little purchases. But spending large amounts at once causes some anxiety in  me. I feel like I have to make sure the purchase is completely necessary, research brands and products and reviews, and work out a great deal and still I almost have a little bit of buyer's remorse until I actually put what I've purchased to use. An example is when we bought our treadmill. I put it off for months, because even though we had the money in savings, I was anxious about it. Up until it was set up and I started using it, I wondered if it had been a good idea. But after being able to work out in the mornings before work in my own living room for a week, I was singing it's praise. I still think it was one of our better purchases. It was the same way with my new laptop, our car, the jogging stroller, etc.

This ties into our early adoption stages because, to start our education, dossier, and homestudy, we have to make a payment that's on the larger side. Let me just say right here that I am SURE of the adoption. I am not having trouble because I want to hold onto this payment and use the money for something else. What has been going on is a faith issue. I have been worried that we might spend all of our money, get almost to the end of the adoption, and then run out of money, leaving us unable to complete the adoption.

I've been fretting about this and working numbers in my head over and over and just way over-thinking it. But last week, something amazing happened, as it always does. A good man shared some verses and brought me back to where I needed to be. Of course we are not going to get to the end of this adoption and not be able to bring our baby home. If God wants us to do this, He is going to provide the whole way. And He is going to provide at just the right time for us to be matched and bring home the child He has chosen for me!

This person who shared the verses also mentioned that so often, we worry about things that have not even happened yet. And yet, even though my worries are silly and unfounded, God cares. He hears my prayers. Do I really think he is going to get me attached to a precious child just to leave us hanging at the end?

I have just been filled with peace and calmness since last Thursday, knowing that we are doing the right thing. This process is going to be filled with ups and downs, I'm sure. I know there is going to be alot of stretching our faith, and alot of leaning and trusting. But we are so ready to do this! I am so excited to start our homestudy and start gathering the paperwork for our dossier. It's seeming more and more real as the days go by. I feel like I'm losing a little bit more of my heart everyday. Because everyday brings another day closer. I can't believe that just 2 years from now or even a little sooner, our baby will be here with us.

Now off to enjoy the 2 babies I already get to kiss everyday!! :)