Monday, May 20, 2013

Whoa...Take a Deep Breath...

These past couple months and especially the past few weeks have been a little bit on the busy side for us in our daily lives. We have had little trips here and there, soccer games, gymnastics, church activities, etc. We also turned finally decided on an agency and turned in our application to them a couple weeks ago. We both completely felt a green light to do that, so we planned an evening to take care of it after the kids were in bed. We also had an orientation meeting with the agency last week. Our next step is to sign and notarize all of our contracts and mail them in. Shortly after that, we will start our homestudy process!

So you can imagine that all of this together has made me a little bit jumpy. When I started this blog, I kind of intended to avoid sharing about most of the financial parts of the adoption. Jared and I are prepared to do what we need to do to make bring our child home, and I really don't want to the money part to be the main focus. However, the fact is that adoption costs money. Since this blog is to chronicle our adoption journey, I don't really see how I can completely leave the financial part out. So I'm going to try to share what's been going on in my mind without over sharing. :)

I basically am a nervous spender. I am very good at making lots of little purchases. But spending large amounts at once causes some anxiety in  me. I feel like I have to make sure the purchase is completely necessary, research brands and products and reviews, and work out a great deal and still I almost have a little bit of buyer's remorse until I actually put what I've purchased to use. An example is when we bought our treadmill. I put it off for months, because even though we had the money in savings, I was anxious about it. Up until it was set up and I started using it, I wondered if it had been a good idea. But after being able to work out in the mornings before work in my own living room for a week, I was singing it's praise. I still think it was one of our better purchases. It was the same way with my new laptop, our car, the jogging stroller, etc.

This ties into our early adoption stages because, to start our education, dossier, and homestudy, we have to make a payment that's on the larger side. Let me just say right here that I am SURE of the adoption. I am not having trouble because I want to hold onto this payment and use the money for something else. What has been going on is a faith issue. I have been worried that we might spend all of our money, get almost to the end of the adoption, and then run out of money, leaving us unable to complete the adoption.

I've been fretting about this and working numbers in my head over and over and just way over-thinking it. But last week, something amazing happened, as it always does. A good man shared some verses and brought me back to where I needed to be. Of course we are not going to get to the end of this adoption and not be able to bring our baby home. If God wants us to do this, He is going to provide the whole way. And He is going to provide at just the right time for us to be matched and bring home the child He has chosen for me!

This person who shared the verses also mentioned that so often, we worry about things that have not even happened yet. And yet, even though my worries are silly and unfounded, God cares. He hears my prayers. Do I really think he is going to get me attached to a precious child just to leave us hanging at the end?

I have just been filled with peace and calmness since last Thursday, knowing that we are doing the right thing. This process is going to be filled with ups and downs, I'm sure. I know there is going to be alot of stretching our faith, and alot of leaning and trusting. But we are so ready to do this! I am so excited to start our homestudy and start gathering the paperwork for our dossier. It's seeming more and more real as the days go by. I feel like I'm losing a little bit more of my heart everyday. Because everyday brings another day closer. I can't believe that just 2 years from now or even a little sooner, our baby will be here with us.

Now off to enjoy the 2 babies I already get to kiss everyday!! :)

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