Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Sewing for Him

We made the official decision to move forward with international adoption in November 2012. I'm just not going to lie here... the wait is getting long. We didn't contract with our agency until early May 2013, so we're still within their expected time line for sure, but it's just starting to feel very intangible. We're finding much too easy to lose focus, to feel like it's never going to happen, to question decisions made, and to just feel discouraged over all. We've been done with paperwork for a while, so during this waiting time, sometimes it feels like we're not doing anything at all. We've been reading and educating, and you can never do enough of that, but even reading is getting old. We are exhausted with answering "Still waiting..." every time we are asked how things are going. Please keep asking though. Knowing people care far outweighs the frustrating answer. Knowing our baby is loved and thought of by our friends and family is the second best thing to knowing who he is.

Last winter, I took my very novice sewing skills and learned how to make little tag blankies. I started with 4 fabrics and began to sell the blankies to put towards the adoption. It has turned into somewhat of an obsession. I found that choosing fabrics, matching ribbons, and sewing gives me a little bit of creativity that is good for me. More importantly, I'm finding that sewing and selling these little blankies makes me feel like I'm doing something. It makes me feel like I'm preparing for him. I think of him, and of all the children waiting while I cut and sew. I like being able to financially contribute to our little adoption account. It's been good for me.
Proof of my obsession!

Recently, I took it a step further. I made one for him. I know, I know... "He" might be a girl. I definitely don't have a good track record for guessing the gender of our children. But I had to do something. So I just did. Really, there is a really, really good chance our baby is a boy. I spotted this soft, sweet flannel and I just knew it was for him. It's not what I planned. I had planned on waiting until he we know who he is and choosing from several other fabric choices I had in mind. This fabric is not anywhere close to what I was thinking of. But I just couldn't help it. It's all full of love and it's all for him.

So I wait. And I try to keep focused. Enjoy being a family of 4. Love on the current "baby" of the family (even though he is trying with all his might to be big boy). Make sure our house is ready for another person. Work on getting ourselves as healthy as possible (we're going to have to keep up with 3 kids!!). Pray for our caseworker and for our partnership orphanage. Try not to think about the fact that our baby is another month older and we can't be with him... yet. Hope he's being well cared for and loved. And sew. ;)