Bonding with my Boy

Gracie has been visiting with her Mimi and Grampy for a whole week, so during the days it's just been my little boy and me. There's this magical time between about age 18 months to 2 years of age that a baby really turns into a toddler. The books say they're considered a toddler at age 1, but walking or not, they still seem like babies to me. Then amazingly, before you know it, they become official toddlers, running, getting into everything, thinking big things and understanding big things.

That's where Liam is. Baby turning into little boy. Maybe already turned into little boy, but I'm hanging on to what little baby-ness is left for as long as I can. So I wanted to document the best parts of him, more for my own sake than yours. :)

Liam, our little Yammy Chops, is growing and exploring. It's happening right before my eyes. I'm so glad I've had the time to experience it with him this week. His little feet have even grown. He got new shoes and he went up 2 sizes! As soon as we tried the shoes on him, he began to run around and he hasn't slowed down since. He runs to see what made that noise, or find a new toy. He runs with a twinkle in his handsome brown eye to make mischief and see if I will chase him. And he runs right into my arms, and showers me with hugs and kisses. I am thankful for his chubby legs that run so vivaciously.

He loves to laugh and he loves to make us laugh. He is so full of joy that a simple finger pointed at him, a silly face, or quick peek-a-boo will make him explode into giggles. He claps when I sing. He wants to walk everywhere. He cries when we put him in the stroller or car seat. He no longer wants his high chair, instead he sits at the table with me for breakfast and when it's snack time, he drags his own little chair up to the coffee table. Over breakfast, he uses his silverware just like a big boy all by himself and he even tries to feed me. He makes his sweet little noises and we have a little conversation even though he doesn't use many words.

He brings me books to read, but he can only sit still for a few pages and then he's off and running again- dumping out toy bins, building lego towers and knocking them down. He loves to color, but it can only happen under supervision. If by chance he finds a crayon on his own, he is kind enough to try to wipe the walls down with a towel when he's done. He is just like Gracie and I, and loves nothing more than to go out, whether for a short walk around the block or a shopping adventure. He lets me know when it's time for us to get out by getting his shoes out and sitting on the bench.

Best of all, he kisses with reckless abandon. He is not ashamed to love his mommy. He will run over to me, mid play, and grab my face, pull it down to his, and kiss me. If I'm extra lucky, he wraps those grubby hands around my neck and gives me a quick hug too. And there's nothing better in the whole world.

Update

We are still here. I've been a little quiet because our summer has been crazy busy and also, because there hasn't been much to report.

We finally checked everything off of our home study document list! So we have our first home visit coming up at the end of the week. We are feverishly cleaning our house. I know we've been told that's not necessary, but I'm weird this way. I feverishly clean when we have any kind of visitor, so knowing that someone is coming in and will specifically looking around, I'm even more obsessed with cleaning and organizing. It's a good time to do it anyway, before we add another member to our family.

Our dossier (a packet of certified paperwork proving who we are)is about ready also. We are in the process of having each paper county and state certified, and then it will just be waiting for our finished and approved home study to move to the next step, which is immigration.

Exciting news for me... I had a "first" a few weeks ago. I bought something special for our new little one, technically the first thing I have purchased just for him. Gracie began receiving gifts (from us and others) as soon as we announced the pregnancy. We started buying for Liam after we knew his gender. I have wanted to start a collection of things for this sweet little one, but it's been difficult, since we don't really know size, gender, season, etc. But I finally found the perfect item and I splurged and bought it. It's a clothing item, and purchasing it was emotional. It's very different than buying clothes for an unborn child while pregnant. I bought it knowing we have no idea when our child will arrive in our home, so I was taking a wild guess on the size. I bought it a little on the big size, so it will hopefully fit at some point. It was harder than I expected to not buy newborn size. Grief is not talked about a lot when you hear about adoptions, but it is real. Buying this little jacket brought up some of those emotions. Having the rest of my life with my Gracie and Liam is not long enough, so missing out on the first year or maybe two of this new baby breaks my heart. And buying bigger clothes makes that very real. It reminded me that someone else is (I hope) dressing my baby in newborn clothes every day. Someone else is (I hope) rocking him to sleep and feeding him and looking into those dark little eyes and bonding with him. Even worse is wondering if no one is doing these things.

Even still, having the jacket in my room makes this so much more real. I'm so glad to have found something. And buying it broke the dam, and now I have a small collection of books and clothes waiting for my baby to come home to me.

We were warned, but I didn't fully understand how hard waiting would be. I didn't realize that I would start to become so attached to a baby I don't know or have never seen and don't even know if he is born yet. I can't wait to have him home in my arms.