Update

We are still here. I've been a little quiet because our summer has been crazy busy and also, because there hasn't been much to report.

We finally checked everything off of our home study document list! So we have our first home visit coming up at the end of the week. We are feverishly cleaning our house. I know we've been told that's not necessary, but I'm weird this way. I feverishly clean when we have any kind of visitor, so knowing that someone is coming in and will specifically looking around, I'm even more obsessed with cleaning and organizing. It's a good time to do it anyway, before we add another member to our family.

Our dossier (a packet of certified paperwork proving who we are)is about ready also. We are in the process of having each paper county and state certified, and then it will just be waiting for our finished and approved home study to move to the next step, which is immigration.

Exciting news for me... I had a "first" a few weeks ago. I bought something special for our new little one, technically the first thing I have purchased just for him. Gracie began receiving gifts (from us and others) as soon as we announced the pregnancy. We started buying for Liam after we knew his gender. I have wanted to start a collection of things for this sweet little one, but it's been difficult, since we don't really know size, gender, season, etc. But I finally found the perfect item and I splurged and bought it. It's a clothing item, and purchasing it was emotional. It's very different than buying clothes for an unborn child while pregnant. I bought it knowing we have no idea when our child will arrive in our home, so I was taking a wild guess on the size. I bought it a little on the big size, so it will hopefully fit at some point. It was harder than I expected to not buy newborn size. Grief is not talked about a lot when you hear about adoptions, but it is real. Buying this little jacket brought up some of those emotions. Having the rest of my life with my Gracie and Liam is not long enough, so missing out on the first year or maybe two of this new baby breaks my heart. And buying bigger clothes makes that very real. It reminded me that someone else is (I hope) dressing my baby in newborn clothes every day. Someone else is (I hope) rocking him to sleep and feeding him and looking into those dark little eyes and bonding with him. Even worse is wondering if no one is doing these things.

Even still, having the jacket in my room makes this so much more real. I'm so glad to have found something. And buying it broke the dam, and now I have a small collection of books and clothes waiting for my baby to come home to me.

We were warned, but I didn't fully understand how hard waiting would be. I didn't realize that I would start to become so attached to a baby I don't know or have never seen and don't even know if he is born yet. I can't wait to have him home in my arms.