Thursday, September 8, 2016

Stepping Out of the Boat

My mom has this saying when I'm afraid to do something... "Go ahead and step out of the boat, Ang". It comes from the recording of Peter walking on water and it basically means "Ready or not, it's time to leave your comfort zone now to do what you know you need to do".  Stepping out of the boat means my world is about to be upset and it's probably not going to look the same again for a long time, but it will be changed for so much better. I'm about to step out.

I'm leaving for an 11 day trip to China in just 6 weeks (minus 1 day). This time, I'm not bringing back a precious boy. Instead, I'll be visiting and leaving many behind. And to get there, I have to leave my 2 darling boys, 1 beautiful girl, and handsome hubs here. 

Of course, I can think of lots of reasons not to go. There are always reasons to just stay on the boat. My boys might miss me too much. October is too busy of a month. I might miss out on some fall events. It costs too much money. I'm just a mom and housewife. My Mandarin isn't where I hoped it would be. My heart will get broken. I'll probably be changed and I hate change. It's just too hard.

I could dwell there, on the reasons to stay home. And sometimes, for a minute, I do. But then I remember. I get to spend 10 days in my son's birth country. I get to learn a little more of his story. I get to give a week to the staff and kids living in the same orphanage my baby lived. I get to share my life and gifts with sweet ayis. I get to tell them (through my actions, because you know... my Mandarin) how much they matter. I get to meet precious waiting children face to face and then I get to advocate for them! I get to see another perspective, and likely never be the same.

I'm stepping out of the boat. I'm not gonna lie, the water is scary. But it's where I need to be.

I'm looking forward to the journey ahead and I plan to update here when I'm able.

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